My brain hurts

  I nearly exploded from frustration last night. I was trying so hard to find my Zen thoughts- breathe in, breathe out.  Let it happen.  Let it be.  Sob.

 

 Master teased me all during the movie we were watching, till I was all a hot mess, then he said to me "Changed my mind, I don't feel that good, go to bed.  Maybe I will fuck you in the morning".

 

  But I think he was just tormenting me (or a very passing malady) because when we got in bed,  he had changed it back again.   I didn't really believe it at first, and when his hand pushed my legs apart I was tolerating rather than enjoying.   I was so sure he was going to leave me frustrated that I resisted relaxing into enjoyment.  

 

We were well into mid -fuck before my resistance went down and I stopped feeling like sobbing.    He told me to get the vibrator then and made me come half a dozen times.   He slapped me all over, slapping my breasts, slapping my thighs, my face.  He pinched and twisted.  I starting wondering if my nipple was going to come off in his hand.

 

It was a night that fucked with my head.