Tuesday, June 30, 2015

Eating Dinner

It is not a rule that I wait for Master to come home before eating.  

This means I and the kids usually get our dinner out of the way before he gets home.  While Master eats I often stand by to serve him.  I love this. He sometimes even eats one handed while fondling me with the other.  On nights like tonight, I'm wearing only my robe, having stepped out of the shower not long ago (was gardening, sheep herding etc. today). 

He has easy access and he pinches, prods and probes me until I'm a puddley mess.  He'll grab my robe and pull me closer if I'm too far away.   If his hand starts to head between my legs, I must spread them instantly, and I am corrected with "Wider" if I haven't moved them apart enough.

I'm allowed to kneel beside him while he eats, and then he looks at his computer stuff; I often switch to that position when dinner is cleared away and I won't have to be running back and forth any more.  Sometimes he pets me, but sometimes he pets the dog, who is also under the table looking for attention. 

Monday, June 29, 2015

Dirty Little Hole

I'm afraid this one is going to be a bit more, well, more. 


----------------------------


He had me meet him upstairs.  He stripped me of my robe, took the sash and tied it around my neck.  

"Crawl for me, little doggie".  I crawled naked after him down the hall into our room, trying to hang on to my house slippers with my feet so I didn't leave them behind.  

When we arrived he told me "Sit. Stay".  I did this, and looked up at him.  I really wanted to wag my tail.  I actually felt quite like a puppy.  I tried not to smile because he looked so serious.  But puppies are happy when they get attention.  

He walked across the room and told me to come.  Dilemmas!  "Come" means orgasm, but now I'm a puppy, should I go to him?  I didn't think about it for more than a split second, I just orgasmed.  He walked over to me, and I started to get up-- "NO, sit, stay" he said,  just as if I were a disobedient puppy!

"Heel", he commanded me, and I crawled along next to him where he held the leash, on his right side.  When he stopped I couldn't stand it anymore and I went around to the proper heel position, on the left side, and sat.  I told him I had to heel on the correct side.  He didn't say anything, but pulled up on the leash hard, strangling me. "This is no way to treat a puppy!", flashed silently in my brain, but then I reminded myself I was a slave, and that was certainly the way he could treat me.   "Come!" he commanded, then let loose the leash/sash.  I came.

"Lie down on your back". 

I saw something in his hand, but couldn't quite tell what it was.  When he got it between my legs I recognized the "Click. Click." of the lighter.

"You didn't shave very well.  I'm just going to burn these hairs off you".  

I didn't really think he was going to burn me.  I concentrated hard on holding very still.  "He won't, he won't, he won't...."   OUCH!  I jerked and tried to cover myself.  That really burned!  
He got the pesky cunt hairs though.

He kissed it.  My owie cunt. 

Then he wanted to read his book and have a foot rub.  I was lost in  thoughts of slavey burned cunt bliss as I rubbed his feet, and then at his order, sucked his cock, then to rubbing his other foot.  This went on for quite some time, foot, cock, other foot, and back around again.  A couple of times he let me flavor his penis with my cunt before I returned to sucking.   

He was already deep into my head, and he began telling me things about what he plans to do with me (and others) in the future.  Including the orgy tent. Then I got my butt plug- it slides right in, and then Master slides into my pussy.  It feels amazing.
He was fucking me and making me say things, which he often does. But these things were beyond the usual level of dirty.

How many men?  he wanted to know.  He wasn't satisfied with my real answer of how many I had sucked and fucked.  He forced me to make up inflated numbers, and he was not satisfied until I got to 50.  He made me say some of them paid me.  And say that I liked it, so I didn't charge much if they wanted to use me, just a token amount.  Because I'm a slutty whore.  But I'm his slutty whore, so I don't get to go out on my own.  Just if he tells me to.

"Who are you going to fuck?" he asks me.  

He's talking about the orgy tent.

"Whoever you tell me to, Master," I answer.

"All of them," he says.  


"Yes, Master."

He made me say this:  "All the men can fuck my dirty little cunthole and my mouth, but only you can have my ass, Master".  And he made me repeat it over, and over, and over.  I don't know how many times, the same phrase, maybe a dozen times.  

It got easier after the first few.

Then he changed it to something about my mouth and cunt being cum dumpsters for whoever wanted to get off, and made me repeat that a dozen or so times more.  The more times I said it, the deeper I felt it, and his cock was driving into me so hard that I had to get the phrases out in short bursts in between stabs.

Wearing the butt plug, it is all so tight, and the combined sensations  doubled that way,  painful for my ass depending on the depth and angle of thrusting.  My cunt has been sore for days now, in a pleasant and constantly used way.  Now and then I get a stab of that ache, but mostly it is pure pleasure as I repeat his phrases over and over.  I orgasm over and over as well, each time he commands.  He slaps me, punches me; I come again.  

He tells me to get on the floor, and he fucks me on my hands and knees, then he has me lie flat. I am transported by this intense pain/pleasure.  Transported is the right word; I go off somewhere else as he is driving the plug hard into my ass and fucking my sore cunt, and just everything... it is all good being his dirty little hole. 

 Later on.

He clicks the lighter on, makes me come closer, stand still and look him in the eye.  At the last second I always flinch.

 



 

When We Are On The Same Page

Life is Beautiful.

"I love you, Master" I whispered to him this morning.

"I love hearing you say that as my come is dripping down your thighs" he answered.

I'm on that page too.

Sunday, June 28, 2015

I Like My Vanilla with Kink

We went to eat dinner and hang out with some of our kinky friends, but though the topics were sometimes racy, the occasion was more vanilla.  It was a good time, and we made some new friends.  We talked politics (ok, Master and them talked politics and I sat at his feet and listened) and no arguments broke out.

At bedtime Master left me on the floor in my accustomed position until he found the right implement, the willow switch.  He had to correct me at least three or four times for moving from position, as it really hurt and I would throw my head up or move my legs with each really hard strike.  Head down, ass up, knees together!  

He moved me to the bed and used the misery stick, again really hard, so that even when I woke up in the middle of the night and this morning my ass felt full of stingy welts.  I haven't looked to see if it is, but I'm guessing it feels worse than it looks.  He also hit the bottoms of my feet and calves.  Ow.  After an additional use of the paddle he ordered me to suck and then fuck him.  I was on top at first, in easy reach to slap me and punch me, then he flipped me over to fuck me from behind.  

My cunt is very well used, (used hard!) lately, and feeling it! 

I'm not complaining.

Saturday, June 27, 2015

Assignment

Yesterday at 4:30 I realized I only had an hour to complete my writing assignment.  Master had told me I would be writing the de-virginizing sequel to my other story.  He gives me these assignments semi-regularly, but most of the time I just write them in my journal and don't publish them.  In this case he wanted it public.   The rule has always been that whenever he reads my journal I will be sucking his cock.

I took one of my own fantasies and applied it to the same protege scenario, so in sense it was all fleshed out in my head already and just had to be set down.  Only normally in my head I am the violated girl.  ;)  

When it was close to bedtime he had me strip and suck his cock for a long time; I don't really know how long.  Then he set about tapping me with the misery stick, but it was so light all over I wanted to fend him off.  So much tapping! Urg. Hate.  I don't think the hypnotizing he did was working really well, though I wasn't intentionally trying to resist.  He ordered me to get my hands out of the way and grip the headboard rails.  I'd been trying to fend off the annoying stick. He told me I couldn't move my legs because I'd been trying to close them.  Tapping, and more tapping.  Fuck.

I sucked him a lot more and he wanted me to come while doing so, but I couldn't.  He gave me a dildo, and then finally asked why was I not coming on command, was I trying to be resistant?  I said I didn't know, but that was very wrong, because I just didn't want to say what the problem was, why I wasn't really turned on yet.  

He just was being too nice to me.  He made me say it.  "I'd like it more violent, please" but it is so hard to say because I know how it could hurt and how I'm going to hate that it does, and how I'm going to hate that I asked for it, and even worse, how I hate that I HAD to ask for it. 

He flipped me to my stomach once again and beat me hard, 'til I was crying and wishing I could suck his cock again. Then he switched to the paddle, really hard again.  But when he was done I was happily wrung out, blissed in peace.  I was turned on and could easily have come as he fucked me from behind.  He didn't let me until he was finished.



 

Friday, June 26, 2015

Also, USA Marriage Equality Starting Today!

Thanks to the Supreme Court!

A Sequel, also fantasy

The next night was the de-virginizing ceremony.

Master liked to have it be a real ceremony rather than just a hidden pleasure of the hut.  

The girl was washed and dressed by me, pure white of course, as is traditional.  She was led in bondage to the "altar", which was actually a padded bench in the middle of the yard.  We had no crowds of villagers, but I liked to imagine them all standing in a crowd anyway, the young, the old, the men, the women, cheering for her coming womanhood. A bloody spectacle and rite of past eons.

 However, that was not the reality.  In reality, we had Master leading her by wrist cuffs and rope, and a few farm hands and Master's (male) friends standing around.  And me. I'd been ordered to kneel off to the side.

I had done this before.  There had been another girl.  I mean, besides me.  Before that, many years ago, I had been this girl, had known her fear.  Then there was the skinny red haired girl.  We don't talk about her anymore.

I shook myself off thinking those thoughts.  The girl in front of me was being tied face down to the bench.  A blind fold was placed across her eyes.   Master lifted her skirt, exposing her ass and pussy.  He stroked her thighs as he got himself ready.   He took a cane from one of the other men, and stroked her with that as well.  

I could see her tremble.  This wasn't a punishment, it was merely to make her ready.  Whap. Whap. WHAP.  Red tracks appeared across her bottom and thighs as he continued to work on her.  She began to cry out.  I wanted to run to her and hold her hand, but this was not allowed.  She begged him to stop, but there was no mercy.  When the welts on top of welts began to seep, that was when he stopped.  He entered her, and she had no cries left.  The blood was smeared over both of them.  When he came with a happy grin, the next man stepped up.  Master offered him the cane but he shook his head, just the fucking, thanks, man.  Every man there took his turn with the girl.  She was lying quite still now. 

When they untied her I was allowed up, struggling on my numb and tingling legs, to make my way to her, and to wash her, make her presentable again because we would both be serving dinner as we did every night.  She was stronger than she looked right now.  
She had to be.   

It is Tack Bra Day!

A new national holiday? 

Protege

*This story is fantasy*   After I wrote it for him he really wanted me to post it, so here it is.

Master entered our little slave hut, mine and the girl's.  The girl had come of age, and his visit was not unexpected.  I had taken her on when she was brought here and I treated her like my daughter because she had no one.  I had been protecting her from certain things until Now.

Now was her breaking in time.  It was the day to discover what it meant to be a slave and I couldn't protect her from that. 

Master ordered us both to strip, and she looked at me with wide, frightened eyes.  I gestured for her to obey.  Better always to obey.

When she was naked, standing there in the summer heat, he pushed her to her knees and pulled her face onto his cock, which he'd exposed.  This was her first time and she didn't do it very well.  She was tentative, hesitant, shy.  She did not look at me.   She didn't know what to do, though she tried.  I had always told her to try to be pleasing.  Better always to be pleasing. 

She was achingly beautiful, which was something.  Her fine waist, her pert but large breasts.  A stomach which had never carried a life, so smooth.  Hair that I had brushed back that morning tried to fall on to her face as she moved.

Master looked at me and with an edge in his voice said if I couldn't teach her to give a decent blowjob we were both going to be whipped.  I thought I could protect her from this at least and I began to show her what to do.

 Grab his cock with one hand like this.  Fondle his balls with the other hand, he likes it this way.  Now tease with your tongue, not too long or he becomes impatient, then take it in your mouth.  Pay attention to the line around the head.  Lick as you suck.  Take it deep sometimes, as much as you can.

When she followed my instructions and began to be pleasing to him, he looked hard at me and half casually mentioned "You know you are training your replacement, don't you?"

This frightened me, and humiliated me.  I was too old, not good for very much longer.  I didn't want to get old or to be replaced.  This is what I was, my role, my life, my pleasure, to please my Master.   He told me that my old cunt was only good for one thing, which he would show me in time.

He came in her mouth with a groan of pleasure, then after a bit of rest, he led me outside and ordered me to lie in the dirt.

"Spread your legs.  Spread your cunt too." I fingered my lips apart.  It is better always to obey.

"This is all it is good for now" he said as he pissed on my cunt.

I wanted to cry.   She still wasn't looking at me. 

He grinned at me with an evil glint.

"You know, I will want to whip you anyway, slavegirl."

Thursday, June 25, 2015

And Again

Master told me I had to write out the full fantasy I'd had when I talked to him at lunch time. So I did.  I actually wrote in on little scraps of paper in the Fleet Farm parking lot as I was about to go in to buy some garden fence.   You never know when inspiration is going to strike.  After I wrote it I felt ashamed. 

 He's not going to like this, the way you have twisted it all dark, I told myself.  But he said write it, so I did.  How can you get off on this stuff? I asked myself.  What a sick person you are. 

When I got home I rewrote it in my journal, just the same but with neater printing and not on scraps of paper so it was easier to read.  Now I desperately want to masturbate again and am not allowed. 

You know that Fantasy?

The one from two days ago?  http://slavetomasterblog.blogspot.com/2015/06/pride-gets-in-way-of-his-pleasure.html

Last night Master hypnotized me.  

He described it again while he kept me on the edge of coming, while paddling me, while fucking me.  He fucked me so long and hard my cunt is sore today. 

Today I masturbated (which hurt) and thought of that fantasy as my very own wank-fodder.  I thought of the most intensely squicky one he mentioned.  And I made it even worse in my mind.  I took the whole scenario to new depths that I don't even want to mention.  And then I came.  

Dastardly man. 


Wednesday, June 24, 2015

Home Early

Master got home early today.  I had totally forgotten that he had a half day of work, so I was sweaty from gardening and mowing, and right in the middle of a work task I needed to finish.   He told me to meet him upstairs when I was done. 

When I arrived upstairs he had me strip naked, then he put his belt around my neck and went to the bathroom.  I stood there awkwardly leashed to him while he used the facilities, then he handed me the belt leash and told me "Hold your own leash like a good dog".  I put it in my mouth and acted like a pup.  I guess I'm getting into this pet play thing! 

 I said I needed to use the toilet too, and he took the belt back from me and tightened it on my neck as I sat down, leaving me just enough to make it there.   When I was midstream he gave me the cue to orgasm.  Ah, shoot! I find that so embarrassing, so humiliating.  I did. Then I finished peeing.

I washed my hands quickly, but once back in our room he looked at them and said they were filthy and I needed to wash them again.  There was ground in dirt from weed pulling which had not come out after several earlier washes.  Plus my fingernails were a disaster.  I went back and scrubbed, and scratched at it with my fingernail, but that one dirt spot barely looked any better.  I couldn't do anything with my nails, not having a file handy.  After the third wash he marched in, grabbed my hair, told me I was taking too long and pulled me back down the hall by my hair-handle.   He put me up against the dresser and used his belt on me.  It felt rather delicious.  He was smacking harder and harder and I shuddered with it.  He put me on my knees to suck him, and still kept slapping it hard against my back.  I shuddered more.  Then he pushed me gently down flat, spread my legs and began slapping more lightly all over my belly, cunt, thighs and breast with the belt.  I struggled to keep my legs opened for him.  Sometimes the knees they like to slide closer together and he'd kick them and remind me to keep them apart. 

He pulled me up and sent me to the bed.  I didn't have a spare blanket down so he smacked me with the misery stick until I managed to scootch over the side of the bed to run and fetch one. 

 I saw him pulling things out of the drawer.  Nipple clamps- no wait, they are going back in?  No, the nipple clamps are definitely out.   Leather cuff strap.  Paddle.  Spoon. 

He tied my wrists to the bed and beat my ass with the misery stick.  It was pretty hard and I felt the misery.  Then he rolled me to one side and did it on my hip as well.  I tried to move and wiggle and shift because it just kept coming down on the same spot.  That didn't work.  I tried to relax and accept and that helped some.  

He flipped me over and began fucking me.  He punched me in the chest.  I automatically tried to cover with my arms, but they were tied of course.  It was so hot. I was thrusting up against him, wildly lusting from the punching and slapping.  It was insanely hot.  

He called me his cunt and his fuckhole.  He told me they were all his holes to fuck and to use.  I love this.  I was all melty.  

He made me ask for the nipple clamps and tell him how fun they were going to be.  I did.  And weirdly enough I meant it until they were actually on and all I could think was PAIN in big red letters.  
He beat me all over with the spoon as I rode and fucked him.  I came as he removed the clamps.   The spoon.  My breasts, my arms, my face, thighs, ass, every where he could reach with that spoon.  He made me come in huge waves, as he slapped me on the cheek and pinched my tenderized nipples.  I was falling off of him with the orgasms and all, but he put me back in place.  He tied my wrists together again (he'd had to loose one to get me on top).   He smacked my cheek with the spoon.  Not hard enough to bruise, just to let me know, you know, that he could.

He tapped my closed eyelids even.  This is kind of freaky.

Then he rolled me off him and on to my stomach, driving into me hard and deep from behind until he came.

We must have fallen asleep after that because all of a sudden it was late.  As if that wasn't enough activity, we went for a 3.4 mile walk/jog together!   The jogging was mostly to get away from the mosquitoes, which are fierce.

 


How well do I know my own blog?

How well do I know my own blog?  
This idea was taken from Pain's Pleasure.
1)  Your top 5 popular posts, bonus if you get them in order.

Sparkly Butt, Anticip...ation, Sunday Morning Whores, Cuckquean Fantasy and The Beginnings.  I'm really not sure about that last one.  
This was easy to look up for the real answer.  In order of most to least:  
 Sparkly Butt,  
Sunday Morning Whores,
Cuckquean Fantasy,
Anticip...ation
and Pictures!

2)  Last 5 blogs you commented on.

 Pains Pleasure, just now, about this!  A new reader's blog that I just saw, and now can't remember the name.  Submissive Missions, Chasing Me, Chasing You and ummmm Under His Hand?
I'm just going to say I'm right, because I don't have a way to check for sure.

3)  How many followers do you have?


Hmm, I don't know, maybe 120?
153, actually.

4)  Your total viewings, to the nearest 100? 

 506,000
The real number:  
507,292

5)  How many blog posts have you published?

I remember I just passed 1000, so I'm guessing 1,010.
1017

6) How many posts in drafts?

Maybe 5.  If I don't use them pretty quickly I tend to delete them.
Ah, so wrong!  18 posts that I started and then forgot or decided not to publish.  I deleted a few though, so now there are 12.

7)  How many blogs do you follow?


I don't sign up to receive post notifications on any, because of technical reasons, but I read about a dozen every time there is a new post.  They are listed to the right --->

Wow, another really wrong answer.  There are 28 on my bloglist, but some are not very active posters.


8)  what post has received the most comments?

That one yesterday was pretty commentful, but a lot of them were my replies.  I have no idea on this question.  The CNC post also got a lot of comments. 
I don't know how to look this up.

9)  Your first blog entry title?

No idea.  I have a bad memory.

It was Beginnings.


10)  Why did you choose the name of your blog?
Because I'm a slave, and he's my Master.  He masters his slave.  I wanted something obviously descriptive, and kind of punny.  I liked that it has a double meaning. 

Tuesday, June 23, 2015

Pride Gets in the Way of His Pleasure

So, in my periodically challenging life as a slave, Master has come up with some new fantasy ideas that he will implement.  When he first brought it up, I had a lot of squicky feelings.  I had a lot of internal resistance from other places too, though I didn't know exactly why.  When he said it was what he wanted I told him I'd do it (of course, because it's not like I have a choice when he gives an order) but I wasn't sure I'd like it.  That wasn't good enough.  He didn't think my grudging acceptance, my "Whatever you want, Master", was good enough.  At all.

On my walk today I was attempting to work some "slave magic" and come up with the reasons why I was so resistant.  What came to me was pride.  I have this certain idea of myself, my self concept, and things that mess with that hurt my pride.

I know some think that a slave who does this, that and the other lowly acts should not have any pride left.  It's not true.  Which is fine for some cases, like having pride in serving well. 

 But in this case, my pride was not in pleasing my Master to the best of my ability, it was about how I see myself, and not wanting to be seen as less than that by others (we aren't alone in his fantasy). 
  I don't think he meant the fantasy to make me feel that way, but in imagining it going down, that is how my mind was reacting to it.  

I think the first step in getting rid of that is realizing it is there. 

That's really enough steps for one day, right?  

I haven't really figured out the next one, besides asking him for help.



Surprise!

Master called me upstairs yesterday.  I thought he'd want a little sucking or quick fooling around, but nope, he ended up fucking me in the ass long and hard until I was a completely limp dishrag.          I pretty much passed out afterward.  

Surprise!

Monday, June 22, 2015

So this happened...

This is how it looks now. 


This is how it looked yesterday:


Saturday morning Master got a blow job, and I got beat with a spoon.  Then I happened to notice an event happening over in Appleton with our friends, and asked Master if we could go.  He said yes- I was a bit surprised, but it wasn't a long event, just a quick trip, anyway.

I got caned there by our friend after Master voluntold me, not that I would object.  I was making some whining noises, which the friend said meant "I don't ever want this night to end".   

I would have laughed but I was in pain.  

The canes did most of these marks, although later that night Master beat on these same spots with the spoon (again!) and so I was sore in many ways for many reasons.

In the morning we fucked. Finally.  It had been like TWO DAYS 
(I know, I know, poor me, I'm pathetic).   With the butt plug in, and with the nipple clamps on, and with more spoon whacking goodness.   Did I mention he really, really likes that spoon?  Maybe I should get a picture of it in here, for visuals.  It's quite a nice spoon, although my thighs do not think it is nice anymore. 

Here it is:

This is where it lives now, on the beside table by the lube!

I had some massive, intense orgasms.  Also, nipple clamps really hurt.  There is just no getting used to them, I've decided.  But after they come off, the sensations are GREAT!  Thus, the massive orgasms.  There was some humiliation in there too, which I won't go into. 

Afterward, we had our shower, I got peed on, I washed him, then he stepped out and I washed myself.  This is our usual.

I made a good breakfast for him- fried potatoes and bacon. 

Just as I sat down to eat I got super shaky in the legs- that was some delayed reaction I think.   It went away after a short time.   It wasn't even lack of food because I'd woken up super early and had a snack before he got up (before he came and got me for the fucking). 

It was a busy Sunday.  We went for a jog/walk, I made some pies and then we went to a friend's firework show, which was utterly awesome.  This private show is better than most of the ones you can get in towns like ours. 

This morning I woke up to Master prying my legs apart.  He slid between my legs.

"Owwwww", I said.  "Ow, ow."

"Does that hurt?"

"Mmmmf, yes Master."


Though that was soon forgotten as it felt good, his rubbing up  against me.  I wanted so much more.  So much more inside me, not just rubbing the outside.

Sadly, there wasn't time for anything else before work, just a tease for both of us.  

Herding in the Rain

My sheep herding lessons have picked up steam again for the summer.  People even come out in the rain to let their dogs learn sheep herding skills.  The dogs don't care about rain.  The sheep would be out in the rain anyway; it is only the humans that mind.  

I was soaked through every part of my clothes by the time I got done with three dogs today.   

I'm thrilled to be making some money at this again, though.  

I have up to six more lessons scheduled for this week. 


This is Ben, my helper dog who brings the sheep in and sorts them for me:



Sunday, June 21, 2015

Sunday Weigh In

I have lost a couple pounds this week.  Yay me!  

I have a bunch of kinky stuff write about too, but not much time for thinking.  I need to make some pies instead.   I'll just say that the backs of my thighs are all marked up again from a caning, reminding me every time I sit down. 

Friday, June 19, 2015

Ladder Game

Wednesday we watched more Orange is the New Black.  I rubbed Master's feet until the kids' bedtime, probably an hour, then I rubbed a different spot.  He had me pulled down on his lap to suck him soon enough.

At bedtime I waited in my spot.  He came in, told me to get a paddle and return to position while he did one more thing, and he stepped out again.  I picked the small cupped paddle that lives in the bedside table drawer.   When he came back in he said that wasn't the one he wanted, and he up the heavy hickory cane.  He began to walk around me, tapping it firmly on the floor.  I just waited.   I wasn't bothered that I had picked something he didn't prefer.  He said pick, I picked, but it is up to him whether to use that or something else, as always.  I prefer the heavy cane to the paddle anyway, not that it would matter in the end.  He'd get to the paddle later.  

It is all about the antici...



...pation.


The cane struck my rear and I grunted a bit.  More strikes, and also hitting between my legs.   

He moved me to the bed and switched to the paddle.  After a few dozen hard strikes he said it was time for the ladder game.  

First you go up the ladder:
One.
One, two.
One, two, three.
And so on up to ten.
Then you have to come back down the ladder.

When my ass was thoroughly sore, Master used me quickly and then we cuddled up for sleep.

  

Thursday, June 18, 2015

KOTW: Chains, Chains, Shackles and Chains

My chain is a leash.  Just the kind you can get at a pet store, with a red loop handle.  I got it at Petco.  

Leashes are a huge kink for me.  I love being walked around by Master at an event with the chain restricting me to follow close to him, to pay close attention and not get distracted by others or risk being yanked by the neck.

It is sensual, and romantic and a bit degrading all at the same time. 

 The only thing not to like about them is the cold chain brushing up against my skin in the winter.  However, being hit with this chain is pretty hot. So is having it shoved in my cunt.






See more of chains at:


  Kink of the Week

KOTW: Anonymous Sex

I'm behind on the Kink of the Week, but this just happened, so here I am.

Master:  I just took a survey that asked if I ever had had anonymous sex.

Me:  Well, have you?

Master:  Yes, remember that one time... camp...

Me:  Oh yeah, what was her name?

Master  shakes his head, laughs.

Me: Of course... anonymous.



---------------------

For myself, this is a fantasy.  Most of my masturbation fantasies are anonymous people.  The only real person that appears regularly is Master, but random strangers are more common, generally groups of them.  It's not something I've ever done, but someday it might be a possibility.  I especially like to imagine a tied up/blindfolded/forced to serve aspect in my fantasy scene.



  

Kink of the Week

Wednesday, June 17, 2015

Gate Opener, a Service

Those moments of connection.

Doing little services regularly for my Master feeds my needs too.  It is an opportunity to have those succulent, luscious feelings at any time.  It doesn't have to be sexy services, but those are fun too.

This morning I went upstairs to be with him while he got dressed, as usual.  I knelt without a command and kissed his feet as he sat on the bench.  He told me to take off my robe and lie down.  He had me finger myself as he watched, then sit up and suck his cock.  He even briefly rubbed it between my legs, made me come and then had me clean him with my mouth.  Then he turned my head to the side and wiped himself dry on my hair.  All this in the space of less than 5 minutes.  

He is now having me come out with him to open the gate as he drives through every morning. Sometimes he makes me flash him, so he can see all my bits, but this morning it was so buggy out he just went with a quick kiss.  I enjoy being useful in a personal service capacity.   It is a good start to my day, and hopefully gives him a little lift also.

Tuesday, June 16, 2015

A Song of Fire and Slippers

There could have been ice, but that was only on Saturday.  

(Master said I left a LOT of the things we did out of my blog, and it's true. It is so hard to get everything in there).

I'm still reeling in shock from a certain person's death on Game of Thrones, while Master tells me he's as dead as Cat Stark, whatever that means...

Last night we were binging on the new season of Orange Is the New Black, which I also love.  If you watch it you might remember this one-  the episode where Doggett and the new guard are frolicking in the park and suddenly it takes a VERY kinky turn.  Very. 

 My Master got some ideas from it.  So, later on he kicked his slipper across the room and told me

 "Fetch." 

I was already on my knees. I crawled over there, but used my hands to pick it up.  He kicked the second one off:

  "Fetch!"

 I went to pick it up and he ordered, "In your mouth".   I took it gingerly by one corner in my mouth, a sheepskin leather slipper, and brought it back to him.  I set it in the spot where slippers go. Humiliating. Hot. 


I was sitting on the floor waiting for my "good girl" afterward, but instead he picked up the lighter and told me to lie down and spread.  He wanted to see if there were any cunt hairs I missed while shaving.   I felt the heat on my thighs and trembled, all the while repeating silently,  "Stay still, he's not really going to burn you, stay still! Just a little longer."   

As much as I was telling myself that, other parts of me were chanting "Flee! Fire! Flee!" But I stayed still.   He touched the hot metal to my thighs and cunt, but it wasn't lit anymore, and wasn't burning hot.  Just hot enough.  I was hot enough too, by this time.  

He told me to come.  I did.

"Get in bed, you slut".

He picked up the wooden spoon and I rolled over for him.


Monday, June 15, 2015

Consensual Non-Consent

What does it mean?  Why is it such a contradictory and logically meaningless phrase?  I don't know about the second part.

To me it means blanket consent.  I consent to everything, now, and in the future, that my Master wants to do, even if when the moment it comes I don't want to do it at all and have to be forced into it. 

For us, it encompasses the whole relationship, and for always.  In the case of Saturday and Saumya it was a limited term.  She agreed to be his slave without limits but for only that term, not for always.

Sometimes you will see people use it to mean rape play/force scene but I don't really use it that way (I just say rape play/force/resistance play) and Master was not comfortable going there with anyone but me. 

Sunday, June 14, 2015

Sunday Weigh In

I never did get around to posting about last week's weigh in, but the result was no change for me!  No punishment all week!  This is a good thing.  Of course I would prefer to see some loss, but staying the same is fine too.   I'm waiting for Master to wake up so we can get on the scale before I eat.  At least, I'm trying to wait.  I'm really hungry though.
 
Mileage totals: 
  
The week before: 17.5 miles of walking 
This past week: 3 miles of jogging and 10.2 miles of walking (edit to add today's walk).

The last few days I really slacked off on walking because Thursday I taught herding lessons in the rain for 2 hours.  That took away my desire for any more outdoors since it rained all day. 
Friday I did about two hours of gardening and yardwork.  I figured that counted.  The weeds were getting out of control.  Then of course yesterday, well, it was busy!

Edited to add:  I lost one pound!

Saturday, June 13, 2015

Thing One and Thing Two

This morning I went to drop off the kids and then to let Mystique's dogs out.  When I got home, Saumya had just arrived and Master was talking to her.  I waited at the door until given instructions because I didn't want to interrupt.  I noticed that while I was out Master had carried the largest dog crate up from the basement and lined it with my favorite fuzzy blanket.   
Interesting.

I admire her bravery in giving herself over to Master for a CNC scene that could last half the day, or even more if you count it continuing all the way from last Saturday until now. I mean, sure, he hasn't done anything fatal or harmful to me, but she doesn't know him as well as I do (not that I mean anything bad, I just think it must be harder for her than for me), plus she says she is not a painslut at all.  Her former limits were suspended.  He informed her that she could still say red and he'd take it under advisement what to do next.

He told me to strip upstairs.  When I came back he told me to go put on something filmy instead. 
By that time she was on a leash and in the crate.  On his order, she came out, I went in.  He addressed both of us only as "it" and as 

 "thing one" (me) and "thing two" (her).  Objectification.  Dehumanizing.  Just delicious.

Master had his buck knife and the sharpener laid out on the kitchen table.
He sharpened the knife.  The sound makes my skin tingle.
Then he began cutting her dress.  He sliced it right down the sides and cut it all off, exposing her lovely corset and stockings.  I could feel her breathing and it excited me. 

We spent time pleasuring Master, taking turns like that, in and out of the crate, then he had me fetch the cutting board.  There was some moderately heavy paddling, and he sent us upstairs.  I think this was the first time I actually lifted my head to look at her.  I'd been looking down a lot I realized, but I was feeling more submissive than anything, more submissive than aroused even.   So far.  

That didn't last long as Master quickly tied us together and began beating both of us with the heavy cutting board, and then the heavy hickory cane.  A little reprieve of the belt. It hurts less.  It makes me want to come.

A flogging, the thinner willow cane, and then he untied us and we knelt  to share his cock while he used the cane more.  It hurt worse in that position, kneeling.  It was the tip or the angle or something, and we both had a hard time bearing up.  I hoped she wasn't having regrets at that point.

Now I was very wet and ready to come.  Instead he set me to kneeling in front of her and licking her as she got a hard flogging.  His floggers are quite stingy.

There was much more groping, licking and sucking, and even a bit of fucking before he put a leash on me and took her to bed.  I was allowed to be there also; for a little we fucked around, then he told me to go fetch a chair from the other room.

He came over and tied me into it.   My feet were buckled to a bar attached to the legs, and my arms thoroughly roped up to the chair arms.  As the ropes slid across my skin and gradually tightened I began to float away into a happy place.  A craving came over me.   I asked to be slapped.  He reminded me harshly that I was his thing as he slapped my face over and over.

 He went back to the bed.  He tied her hands to the headboard.  Watching them tied up this way didn't feel the way I thought it would in my fantasy.  There was no jealousy, only a happy floaty sort of feeling as I sat struggling slightly against my bonds and rubbing my thighs together wantonly.  I couldn't come yet.  He even said specific things to prickle and scare me, but I was content.  

Yes, I wanted to get fucked, but it wasn't a desperate want, it was more of a hope that it would be my turn later.   He had her say one of my code words, and then he told me to come several times.  I was dripping wet down even to my ankles.

When he was done and had come he threw the condom at me and it stayed there squishily on my chest.  I kind of liked that.  Even for the pictures (blush, I don't think this is my best angle, but here goes).


Thing one.

He untied me and invited me to cuddle in bed.  After a bit of a nap, she got up to shower and, surprising me, Master was raring to go again.  He asked if I could taste her and the condom.  He was soon hard again and fucked me, made me come, and then stuck his cock in my ass without warning (I yipped) before going to join her in the shower.
 
At least there was no wooden spoon this time, unlike both Thursday and Friday nights when I got a pretty heavy dose, from which my butt was still sore this morning and is more sore now.

After my shower, Master took us out to a restaurant-- some absolutely delicious Korean food.  I was starved.  

What a great day.  I am so happy Master fulfilled so many of his fantasies, and judging from the puddles she was quite happy too. 

 Of course, he still had more things on his list that he didn't get to this time... figging?


Friday, June 12, 2015

Not News

I'm sure this is not news to anyone, but just as a reminder and public service announcement:

Wooden spoons hurt!


All my bruises are gone from last Saturday but my butt still hurts.
The dragon tail marks are still there, so at least I have something to look at.

Also, in other excitement we have arranged for the kids to go out for a few hours tomorrow and we have more adventures planned.  It won't just be Master and me either.  I am excited and nervous, as usual!

Thursday, June 11, 2015

Master's Game

The name of the game:

"It keeps the cock in it's mouth or it gets the paddle again".

Let me just say this game is hard, but very hot, kind of like... well, you know!  

Wednesday, June 10, 2015

Deserving

Sunday morning we went to a bookstore and out for lunch.   I was wearing a sundress and when it got windy and the dress started blowing around I said to Master,

 "I hope the wind doesn't blow my skirt up".  

 He asked, "Why, aren't you wearing panties?"  

I said I was, but the backs of my thighs are all purple and red. 

He said, "Don't worry, if anyone sees and comments I'll just tell them that the slut deserved it".  


:/

Tuesday, June 9, 2015

Saturday Night Part IV: Swap

I was given over to Sophie in a sub/slave swap, as my Master asked me "Do you remember your rules?"  I did, of course.  No butt sex.

She used the dragon tail on me, which I'd asked for.  I got some pretty marks, and it was wonderfully painful.  

Whip marks. Yum.

 And then she picked up a paddle.  This hurt so much worse, especially on top of the caning I'd already had.   There may have been some other implements but my mind was pretty fuzzy by then and I don't remember (Sophie, help?).  I just remember it was pretty seriously hurty.  

Meanwhile Master was beating Sophie's little girl, Bratastic (not her real name) right off to the side.  I could hear her moans and cries and every now and then caught a glimpse of his belt. 

 She pulled my hair, and slapped me, and whispered nasty things in my ear.  That was all kinds of hot.  She put me on my knees and I helped unzip to take out her cock and begin sucking it.  I was very eager to do this, and came several times myself.  She praised me, which made me feel quite happy.  I sure do get lots of practice/training at home! 

Then she put me back up on the table, this time lying on my back with my legs spread.  She paddled my inner thighs which hurt like fuck.  She explained this counting game to me, and I tried and utterly failed to count anything like correctly.  My brain was so out of it, and the paddle hurt so much that all the thoughts were driven out.  

The game was there would be 30 smacks on each thigh.  But alternating randomly between thighs:  2 here, 3 there, 4 here, 2 there.  I had to keep separate count of each thigh-smackage, in my head, not out loud.  Each time I counted wrong, it would start back at zero.  I asked if I could use my fingers.

No, of course not.  

I couldn't do it.  

Ok, how about if you just count to ten?

I couldn't do that either.

But I could suck cock. And I could have the clamps on my sore nipples again and have the chain pulled.  We did that too.

Then she asked me what I wanted next.  I made some inarticulate motions and mouthed a word.

She was smiling.

I got a condom out and laid on my towel on the floor.  She gripped my hair hard.  Tightened her hand in my collar until I was limp. Slapped my face.  Shit, I love that too much.   She fucked me. I came.  A bunch. The whole time I could hear Bratastic's loud moans and cries in the background which spurred me to orgasm again and again.  I couldn't see what Master was doing to her but I could hear some of the things he said.  

What a wicked man!

She whispered more nasty, sexy, dirty things in my ear and I began to struggle.  More smacking, trying to get away, pinned to the ground, flipped over, punched in my shoulders and back, more fucking until we were exhausted.  

This was such a great night.   

It was very late, and too soon we had to get back home.  When I finished taking care of my dogs and came to bed, Master was still not done with me.  He fucked me again.  The stripes on my ass and thighs ached. My cunt ached. My nipples ached.  He told me all about the things he'd done earlier as he fucked me from behind.

In the morning, I got up early and had coffee, but as soon as he woke he ordered me back upstairs for more fucking.  I was so sore, but even that made it extra good for me. Crazy masochism.   He let me use the Hitachi while he was taking me.   I thought about the previous evening and came massively. 









Monday, June 8, 2015

Part III: Extreme Naughtiness

Master took the spreader bar and fastened one end to Saumya's right wrist and the other to my left wrist.  Thus shackled together, we were bent over the table together.  Master flogged us at the same time, which was lovely.  It didn't hurt a bit. He also used the misery stick, which did hurt. We were both fondled and kissed, and spanked. 

When he pulled us back to standing, Master began kissing her and he ordered me to the ground, his hand on his belt.  I didn't have to ask what he wanted.  I finished undoing it and pulled down his shorts, then took his cock in my mouth.  After a few minutes he pulled me up and pushed her down.   We traded places.   I enjoyed holding his cock and putting into her mouth.  I licked his balls. 
It was so hot! 

There was much mutual groping, fingering and kissing until he told me to lie on the ground. I obeyed, and he started fucking me, right there on the porch. Yeah, I was expecting this, but it was still a bit shocking.  Someday I may get used to being a complete public slut.  That shocked feeling only lasted a second and then I was swept up in delicious sensations.  I was way over-primed for this, so desperate to feel him deep inside me.  Master told her to sit on my face. Meanwhile he pulled out of my cunt and he made her suck him as I licked her.

He told me to get up and her to lie down.  I fetched him a condom out of our bag and then I knelt to one side and watched as he fucked her  It was more beautiful than I can express when she had a huge orgasm and her face took on the most amazing glow. 

Some people came round the back and saw us there, fucking and kneeling, respectively, and commented, "Woops, sorry we'll leave".

Then another group came by and said almost the same thing "Woops sorry, we won't interrupt".

Then another couple came around the house, "Woops, sorry, but can we watch?"

By the third time it happened all three of us had dissolved into helpless laughter! 

No worries, maties, honest!  If we wanted privacy we would have got a hotel. 

 It sure didn't end our fun; afterward we cuddled in a soggy pile.




What A Day It Was! Part II: Canes

After a front and back flogging (and even her face, very lightly!) Socks took a break to sit and watch with Master. 

Dr. Peter began readying his canes.  

I was full of nervous excitement as I stood there waiting.   He put me on the picnic table on a blanket on my hands and knees.  He asked if I felt very exposed with my skirt hiked up to my waist. Then he began caning my backside and the backs of my thighs.   
I wish I could give a detailed account of every cane, because there were many, and they ranged from springy, whippy ones to heavy thuddy ones.  

Most of it felt extremely good, but it was punctuated by some extremely hard whacks (thus the marks), and this had me rocking the table, scootching from side to side in automatic avoidance attempts and nearly falling off.  Master came and stood nearby to make sure I didn't fall off when I started moving too much.   The knobbly cane was a special favorite.   When I started moaning in pleasure he told me I could orgasm any time I wanted, and shortly after that, I did.  Several times, if I remember right.  The knobbly cane rubbed up and down in a very intriguing way.  It got all sticky!

There were sometimes when I felt the edge being pushed.  The edge of what, I don't really know.  I just knew it was hurting quite a bit. I knew I could do it, and I wanted to do it very badly, so I rebraced my legs each time they started to make cowering/escape attempts. 

After one very hard series he began to stroke the welts gently, and something about the kind way he was doing this, after the all pain, completely dissolved me.  I began to sob softly and into my blanket, and shake all over, and that's when he decided to end.

I was helped off the table, wrapped in a blanket and Master and I sat on the sidelines to watch Socks get a nice caning.  So fun! 

  Master pulled me over his knee and spanked me, then fingered me and made me come so I didn't really see much of the caning.

After a while Master had me search our bags for the nipple clamps. I couldn't really remember where I put them, so this took a few minutes.  I briefly hoped they had somehow jumped out of the bag before we left home. 
I found them and Master attached them to me, then had me jump around and even do a little cheer, which was horribly embarrassing.  Then they attached one clamp to Socks and pulled us apart. Ow.  I do not like a game of nipple tug o war!

Next? 

Some chatting and eating dinner, and socializing... 

Then Master and Saumya and I went to the back porch again.  We did stuff and things and there was a lot of naughtiness... Ok, that is for part three.   

 


What a Day It Was! Act One.

Saturday was our play party/ outdoors in the woods munch.

Results for me:
 



It turned out to be a very busy and extremely fun day for us.  Master had made several play dates with friends.   He got home from work a little after noon and right away took me upstairs for a quick fuck.  I was horny and wanton since I'd been thinking about the play dates all morning.  I know he'd been thinking about them too.

It was very quick and he didn't come, just a little in and out.  He told me he wanted Saumya to taste me when he had her suck his cock later.  What they had arranged I wasn't exactly sure, but I got the impression she had agreed to be his sub/slave for the day, even to the point of CNC for a limited term. 

Between hers and Master's busy schedules, it had been since last June since we have been able to have any play dates together.  [Here] was where I wrote about the last time.

He told me what to wear: my mini skirt and white linen top.  No bra or panties.  I grabbed the toy bags, brats and pies (apple, pecan and a special strawberry one just for Mystique to take home) for the pot luck and we drove to the munch in his new car.

 I forgot to mention, didn't I, that he bought a car on Wednesday - it's a great little barely used Mazda 6 with leather seats... mmm, leather. 

 He told me to sit on the seat with my skirt up so my bare ass was exposed.   Very soon I had squidged a bit on his seats so he gave me a handkerchief to clean up.  I asked him if he would punish me for that and he said no, that would just encourage me to produce more wetness.

As we drove, I put on my leather collar, chain dog leash and ankle and wrist cuffs. I thought a lot about whether people in cars pulling alongside us could see what I was wearing.  Eventually, once we were on the back roads, Master had me take of my shirt.  I rode topless, but any time a car approached Master had me pull the shirt up over me like a blanket, at least up past my chest.  I still wondered what they could see. 

When we arrived, I bounced out of the car just as I was, topless, with a skirt that really didn't cover anything, especially when the wind caught it, my leash dangling from my collar.   I know everyone was looking and thinking "There is ksst, running around mostly nekkid again!"  It's true, but it's not my fault.  You can blame all my nudist tendencies on my Master.   But the exhibitionist tendencies, I will own up to those. If I have to.  :)

We unloaded our stuff, chatted with people and had a snack.  Master held me by the leash except when I was fetching his drinks. This is one of my very favorite things, the leash. 

After a while, he gave me my leash to hold, and took Saumya off behind a shed as my imagination ran wild about what they were doing and talking about as I waited for him to get back.   All the feelings from excitement to humiliation were running around my head.  

Master came back and after a bit more time he handed my leash over to Dr. Peter, which strongly symbolic action sent my head into pure sexual overdrive.  I tried not to show anything, but I don't know how successful I was.  Dr. Peter had been making plans for me ever since Master had told him I'd like to do a caning scene with him a few days before.  Other than canes, I really wasn't sure what was in store for me.  Oh, the anticipation!   

We went around to the back porch, which seemed to have all the conveniences necessary, and my Master placed the lovely young woman, Socks, face down over a picnic table with a spreader bar on her wrists.  Master made me be a useful cunt by having me hold the rope attached to the bar at varying lengths after stringing it through a hook on the ceiling.   Dr. Peter stood beside me, and occasionally he and Master discussed such serious topics as the French and English history in India, or the proper pronunciation of "khaki".   All the while Master was flogging Socks.  

Each time the flogger struck her hard my body clenched down below.  

To be continued... 

Friday, June 5, 2015

Cock Face Slapping

He has me lie on the floor.  He kneels above me and I think I'm going to have it down my throat, but instead he slaps me on both cheeks, multiple times.  Then he has me kneel up in front of him and receive more slapping.  When he does shove it into my mouth suddenly, he orders me to come.

After some worshiping of him, he has me lie back on the floor, and is rubbing and rubbing the outside of my pussy with his cock. I am so wet, so ready, but he wouldn't put it in. 

 Finally he said "Do you want this deep inside you?" 

 I answered "Whatever you want, Master." 
Then he asked again, the same thing, and now I was allowed to say "Yes, Master, please I want it deep inside me." 

So he pulled me to my knees again and thrust it hard and deep into my mouth.

Cunt, denied!

-----------------------------

There was much more to this session, but it's getting to be my bedtime.  Tomorrow we are going to a kinky picnic and much play is planned! 

Also, Master has amazing mind reading powers, just saying.

Thursday, June 4, 2015

No Brakes!

I started out to write one post yesterday and got sidetracked by sex. 


Today I'll work again on my original idea.  Which is also about sex.   
 Nagoski has this brakes/accelerator model to explain what happens with sexual desire and eagerness.  A quote: 

The sexual response mechanism in your brain has both an accelerator — which responds to sexy things — and a brake — which responds to potential threats, like STIs, unwanted pregnancy, social reputation, sexual shame, and body self-criticism. The process of becoming aroused is the process of both turning on all the ons and turning off all the offs.
The sexual response mechanism in your brain has both an accelerator — which responds to sexy things — and a brake — which responds to potential threats, like STIs, unwanted pregnancy, social reputation, sexual shame, and body self-criticism. The process of becoming aroused is the process of both turning on all the ons and turning off all the offs. - See more at: http://xoxoafterdark.com/2015/03/04/5-sex-myths-busted-dr-emily-nagoski/#sthash.WOgRdmEq.dpuf

The sexual response mechanism in your brain has both an accelerator — which responds to sexy things — and a brake — which responds to potential threats, like STIs, unwanted pregnancy, social reputation, sexual shame, and body self-criticism. The process of becoming aroused is the process of both turning on all the ons and turning off all the offs. - See more at: http://xoxoafterdark.com/2015/03/04/5-sex-myths-busted-dr-emily-nagoski/#sthash.WOgRdmEq.dpuf




A lot of it is about the brakes.  I guess I always had very sensitive brakes.  That means that even in the middle of getting turned on, the least little distracting or unpleasant thought, such as "Ugh, I have to get up in the morning" or "What if I can't orgasm? Will it be unpleasant for me?" would make me shut the whole arousal system down.  Not on purpose, it just happened without conscious thought.

Well, being submissive has taken away my brakes.  Since I know I have no way to stop things, I don't even try (subconsciously or otherwise) to slam on my brakes.  I may get a little drag every now and then, but then it is replaced by the thought that I literally have no choice, and the arousal train is soon running at top speed down the mountain. 

NO BRAKES!

This simple little model explained so much to me about why 5 years ago I barely wanted sex at all, and now I want it almost constantly.  

We are all different though.  I know it doesn't work this way for everyone, but this helped me understand some things about myself.

Punishment

There is nothing about What We Do that twists me up inside as much as punishment.  Or, to be more specific, a lack of punishment messes with me in a bad way.  If  I know I deserve a punishment, because he's told me I will be getting one, and then he changes his mind for what ever reason and doesn't do it, or does it in way which is more rewarding than punishing (like hitting me without telling me the beating I'm getting actually IS a punishment) I feel lacking my mooring, all twisted up inside, confused, just bad all around, like my footing has been yanked from under me. 

  If he says "You are getting a reward today, and the reward will be no punishment," when I knew it was coming to me, I don't feel that as a reward.  I feel it like a kick in the stomach.  

I know, because he's told me a dozen or more times, that it is ALWAYS his right to decide these things for me, that I have no say at all in when or if I get punished, so that is not even a question in my logical mind.   I know he wants to do something nice for me by getting rid of something I don't like (punishment).  I try to appreciate that.

But in my emotional mind I still can't help feeling bad.  I will continue to and have tried my best to get rid of that bad feeling, to accept and surrender to his decision, and yet I go on feeling bad.  

The best I can do is pretend that I do not feel bad, and attempt to dodge talking about it, but that NEVER flies.  He can always tell when I'm upset and he always pries it out of me.  And then I feel bad again for bringing up the same old issue that he's sick of hearing about again.    

Last night I got double or triple punishments (I lost track) and I cried. I haven't cried real tears (more often I sob dryly) during anything he's done in ages, but last night I did.

But afterward I was calm and relaxed. I felt it had a resolution. An absolution and expiation. 

I thanked him, and I really meant it.  I am grateful.

Wednesday, June 3, 2015

Come As You Are

I've just started reading a sex book (shocking, I know!), Come As You Are, by Emily Nagoski.   Anywhere you go can find the basic facts, but this book really delves into the deeper stuff, the "whys" and best of all doesn't try to tell us that we should all be the same. 

Nagoski has this brakes/accelerator model to explain sexual desire and eagerness.  A quote: 
The sexual response mechanism in your brain has both an accelerator — which responds to sexy things — and a brake — which responds to potential threats, like STIs, unwanted pregnancy, social reputation, sexual shame, and body self-criticism. The process of becoming aroused is the process of both turning on all the ons and turning off all the offs. - See more at: http://xoxoafterdark.com/2015/03/04/5-sex-myths-busted-dr-emily-nagoski/#sthash.WOgRdmEq.dpuf
The sexual response mechanism in your brain has both an accelerator — which responds to sexy things — and a brake — which responds to potential threats, like STIs, unwanted pregnancy, social reputation, sexual shame, and body self-criticism. The process of becoming aroused is the process of both turning on all the ons and turning off all the offs. - See more at: http://xoxoafterdark.com/2015/03/04/5-sex-myths-busted-dr-emily-nagoski/#sthash.WOgRdmEq.dpuf
The sexual response mechanism in your brain has both an accelerator — which responds to sexy things — and a brake — which responds to potential threats, like STIs, unwanted pregnancy, social reputation, sexual shame, and body self-criticism. The process of becoming aroused is the process of both turning on all the ons and turning off all the offs.

 I think anyone that is having trouble with flagging desires, is too stressed out for feeling like sexy times, or feeling discomfort with themselves in any way should probably check this book out.  I haven't read the whole thing yet, but I'm really liking it.  Even if you are not having a sex problem, it is a good read. 

My Master was so helpful too.  Last night I got to the worksheet part of the book where you are supposed to write out at least one primo sexual experience and one that was not horrible, but not really great either, some sex that was just ok.

I told him I was going to use the night before as the good experience but I couldn't think of a bad one in enough detail to write anything.  As you might imagine, any sex that is forgettable is, well, forgotten.  No one has A+ sex all the time!

So, he shoves my book out of the way before I've written anything and says "I'll give you some worst-sex-ever to write about!"  No preliminaries at all, I'm just getting fucked.  Then he tells me I better start struggling because he's raping me.  He's taking me from behind, and I can't hardly move with all his weight on me.  I do my best to get away, and finally manage it by digging my fingers into a tender spot on him. His cock slides out.  He responds by rolling me on to my back and digging his fingers into the pressure points on my inner thighs.  I go limp- it is the only reaction I ever have to that sort of pain.  

He fucks me again, and I'm limp and my eyes are rolling back. I'm in freaking heaven.  
He's 'raped' me, he's hurt me-- "worst sex ever" my ass!  
 

 


Emily Nagoski
Emily Nagoski

Tuesday, June 2, 2015

A little extra

Last night Master put me between his knees on the floor while he looked at porn.  It is VERY common for me to be there.  Not every day, but at least several times a week this is my spot.  I suck, he pays almost no attention to me. By the time it has been several minutes I am desperate for his attention, and after 10, 20, 30 minutes I would just give anything for more of it.  When he pulls my hair and shoves his cock further down my throat, or takes it out of my mouth to slap my face I'm nearly gushing.  He tells me to come after slapping me half a dozen times with his dick.  I come.  I'm so needy and horny at that point, but I just concentrate on pleasing him.  I frequently remind myself that this is my place, here pleasing him and that I have no choice at all.  When I look up at him and he's looking only at the screen I feel very low indeed.  This makes me even more needy and wet. 

After a long time, we went upstairs.  I had to do a few things first, which were approved, so he was waiting for me in the bed.  I sucked him again, trying to make him come.   He spanked me, then he tied my hands to the bed and took me.  It was wonderful and I came several times, then he came.  

But I wanted a tiny bit more.. so I debated whether to say something, and ended up asking him if I could use the vibrator.  He said yes, but also I had to bring him a whacking implement.  I picked up a wooden cane because it was handy, and he beat me while I had maybe a half dozen more orgasms.   Wooo, that was a lot more "extra" than I was expecting. 

I then reminded him that I hadn't gotten the tummy blows for the day.  I didn't write about my Sunday weigh in because I was shocked and disappointed to find out that I gained three pounds.  

That means THREE punishments every day all week.  But Monday he only did two since he was saving one and then forgot it.  So that means I was getting four.   I hated it.  Four horrible tummy blows.  With much anticipation. And Jaws theme music.  Afterward he reminded me that he could do much more, as many as he wanted, anytime he wanted, because I was his slave.   I agreed, of course. 

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We still don't have a new/used car, so I'm still stuck at home.  I think this may be preying on Master's mind more than it does mine.  I'm resigned to not leaving the house, and it doesn't bother me as much as it does him that I have to grocery shop on weekends or nights.   The weather has been beautiful, so I walk, and I finished planting the vegetable garden and other outdoor chores.  I'm pretty chuffed that I manage to re-hang one of the big gates alone.

  I'm a long way from getting the same kind of cabin fever I get in the winter.

Knives

Kneeling on the floor, a towel protecting my knees, I was eager to get started.  I had one eye on the large, sharp butcher knife Master had ...