Sunday, January 31, 2016

About Last Night, Yum.

Still sore from the punching he gave me yesterday morning, I wasn't really expecting anything last night except going to sleep.  

However, when Master came into the bedroom last night instead of telling me to get into bed, he walked around behind me and lifted the back of my robe.  I didn't move or lift my head, since he hadn't told me to get up yet.  

He began stroking me lightly with something I couldn't see.  Then it struck hard on my ass and I recognized the very stingy bamboo back scratcher. A few more hard swats on my butt and thighs and then he told me to stand up, turn around and drop the robe.  I grabbed my dresser.  He lashed me with his belt and when he was done, ordered me into bed.  I snuggled up under the covers, because I didn't really know what was coming next. Maybe that was all?  He jerked the covers down and his cock into my mouth.  He fucked me and this time I had no problem coming at all.  

Success This Week

Weigh Ins



I posted last week about gaining some, and intending on going back to being stricter on myself.  It did pay off this week, as I lost 3 lbs.  Yes, I have been hungry a lot, and sometimes unhappy, but I think my body is adjusting to the slightly less food regime.  I didn't cut out much.  I didn't really eat nothing but salads for dinner (except that one day) because that just sucks, and I made sure to exercise every day instead of just the required by Master days.   I did cut out chocolate except for a tiny handful of chocolate chips, only once every three days.   The chocolate chip consumption had been creeping up from one handful a day to 3 or 4 handfuls a day.   Plus 3 or 4 spoonfuls of peanut butter to go with them.


Wish me luck for the week ahead to continue with the same? 

30 Days of Kink: Song and Limits

Day 9: Post a kink related song or music video you enjoy.

I haven't been able to find the song I wanted. Not being able to remember the title or any of the words makes that tough.  However, this probably completely vanilla song has some BDSM alternative undertones to me, plus I just like it:  


Hurts So Good
 


Day 10: What are your hard limits?

I don't have any of my own.  I gave up, or had removed by my Master, all my limits.   I should always qualify this with I know that there are many things he would never do, so I don't have to be afraid I'll be made to rob banks or something.  He's very sensible, and I know he loves me and will protect me.   

For play, we go by his limits.  I have heard a lot that what I've said above means that I was careful to choose someone that had the same limits as me, which couldn't be farther from the truth.  For one, when we started dating, there was no talk of limits, so that wasn't the way it happened at all. 

 There have been plenty of things that I would have said no to if I had that right.  For me, though, being his complete slave, doing whatever he wanted, was more important than hanging on to some control by refusing to do certain things that he wanted.     

Saturday, January 30, 2016

Waking Up Raring To Go

I woke up this morning with barely any covers left on and reached over to Master's warm side.  All the covers were sliding off that way.  He woke too and grabbed me by the cunt hair.   I said I was hoping for a beating ( a big one) sometime soon.  He told me to suck and play with his cock.  After the sucking, there was fucking, paddling, caning.  I had a hard time coming.  I seemed to have a block there this morning, even though I wanted to and was right on the edge, I just couldn't quite orgasm, even when he was telling me to.  

Eventually he let me use the vibrator, and he teased me right up to the edge over and over.  But I still couldn't come.  It was getting really super frustrating, because he kept telling me to come and then I ....didn't.  Sigh. I felt like I was failing, and that sure didn't help with the block.
There was more beating and slapping, and everything aches now.  
I finally did come, three times in a row, while lying on my back under him as he was using the vibrator on me.  

Friday, January 29, 2016

30 Days of Kink: Favorite Toy and Image Days 7/8

Yesterday was just a massive suck fest of horribleness (sheep problems again), but I got a lot done, and I skipped blogging.

 So today I'm back with the next two questions:

 Day 7: What’s your favorite toy?

Kneeling and waiting, I can't see what is going on behind me, but I hear the jingle of a belt buckle. Not knowing, fearing and wanting,  feeling the shivers of anticipation run through me. How is it going to be today?  Is he just taking off his pants?  Am I going to feel the sting of the belt on my back in a few seconds? Will it be wrapped around my neck?  Will it be used around my waist for leveraged doggy style?

All these things make his belt my favorite. 

Day 8: Post a kinky image you find erotic.



 http://strictworld.tumblr.com/page/7

I'm  hoping the link comes through ok. The top image is the one I wanted. 

Thursday, January 28, 2016

S.T.U.P.I.D

It should be written on my forehead in big letters for this one.

Last night I was having a terrible time, between worrying about the sheep and trying to stay on a semi-diet, being hungry and tired and crabby and then feeling like I'd been ignored in favor of his game way too many times to even stand it yet another night...all those things, not just one thing, made me think that I was possibly just a fake slave, that all this was a mistake and I would just do whatever I wanted from now on.   Immediately after that thought I literally laughed at myself because I knew from experience that as soon as he gave an order I'd fall over myself to obey.  Then my weird little brain started saying things like "But what if he never gives any orders anymore?  What if he's just happy to play his game and never speak to me? Not that I have anything to say at all, nothing to interest him in conversation, as my mind feels like a vast blank wasteland of boring nothingness and sad."

Every time I thought I would go speak to him about these issues, I got more blank and more hopeless and didn't know where to begin or what to say at all. 

Then Master saved me from having to go to him.  He came in to where I was semi-hiding and made me tell him why I was so sad.  So I did, sitting at his feet and gripping his leg like a poor lost sloth.  I also told him I hadn't gotten some of my tasks done that day.

He told me to rub his feet, and when that was done, to suck his cock.  All my "fake slave" thoughts were fading away.  

I finished with putting dogs to bed, then met Master upstairs.  He fucked me quickly, enjoying the fact that my brain was clearly saying "No, I don't want this", while my body was responding as it always does with sheer pleasure.  He could read all this in my face, and how conflicted I was.  He enjoyed it.  I felt like his used fuckdoll.   

But then the stupid part happened.  I told him I was a bad slave because I hadn't done my tasks, and I could do whatever I wanted because he didn't want to punish me.  Ok, just shoot me now, please.   What the ever loving fuck, mouth? 

The punishment hurt like fuck and I cried the whole time.

 

Wednesday, January 27, 2016

30 Days of Kink: Day 6: Describe your weirdest/most interesting sexual fantasy

Number one weirdest?   Naaaaaa.  Too weird.  I'm not into sharing THAT.

Number two weirdest?  So I'm in this kitchen making food, and there is a table.  It looks a lot like a set from Downton Abbey, that kind of kitchen.  There is a table, and some people sitting around it. These are people that I don't know-  in my fantasy I know them, but they are not people from my real life.   And one of them calls me over and... ok, it gets kinda raunchy from there.  There is objectification, some abuse of power, bodily fluids, maybe even some sex, but maybe not.   Probably no sex.

Tuesday, January 26, 2016

Afterward

Last night, after dinner was eaten, lambs were fed, ewe was as comfortable as possible in the barn, there were still dishes to wash, laundry to run (gross lamb towels and blankets, mostly), dogs to let out, let in and feed etc. etc.  

In between doing all that, I tried to watch some of War and Peace the miniseries with Master.  I haven't read it, didn't know what was going on, and fell asleep through part of it.  When I woke up there was some kind of romance of young lovers plot going on, which was sort of entertaining.  Master was hoping there would be more battles and less mushy stuff. 

At the end he reached under my robe and tugged my panties.  Hard. There was a ripping noise, and he tugged harder until they shredded and came off.  He smacked my cunt.  

"Finish cleaning up" he said.  I did this, letting dogs in and putting the last few dishes away.  Somehow there are always more dishes appearing even after I think I've finished. 

Then when I was done with all of it he pointed to the spot at his feet.  I went and knelt.  He pulled down my robe and let me suck him.   A few minutes later he took me by the hair and pulled me across the house, threw me down over the couch and fucked me.  I was a bit too dry and it was aching.  


When we went upstairs I waited for him on the floor, pre-lubing myself with my fingers and a bit of spit.  I knew there wasn't going to be any fancy foreplay.  And there wasn't. 

"On your back, legs spread".
 
  He used me hard, smacked me about some, and then he was done.  He clipped my leash to my collar before I drifted gratefully off into sleep.  

Life or Death

Yesterday I came home from the store and went out to feed sheep.  

One was missing, the oldest ewe.  It's a bit early for lambing! 
 I searched the pasture and found her struggling on the ground behind a clump of brush.   There was a lamb head and feet sticking out of her trying to be born, but she was shaking and exhausted.  I took off my good leather gloves and took a grip on the slimy little head.   With some gentle pulling it wasn't coming.  I went back to the house, prepared some honey water solution in a syringe and made the trek back out, so I could feed it to the ewe.  Some quick energy that might help the trembling and exhaustion.  I was really worried though, because sheep are not like people.  Lying there, straining, is not normal for them.  They generally give a few good contractions and a lamb pops out, sometimes even as they are standing up.  She looked like she was dying, actually.

I ran back to the house and called Master "What should I do?" He said continue the gentle traction, no hard pulls, and call my mom.


 I went back out again with more honey water for the ewe, and gently applied downward traction, pulling on the lamb's slippery head and feet.  I tried to pull during contractions, but they were pretty weak. 

There was a third forefoot sticking out!  A tangle of lambs to sort out.     
I discovered that I had been pulling one foot that belonged to that first lamb and another foot that belonged to the lamb behind it!   So I pulled only on the one lamb and it eventually slid out.  Crouching there on the bloody, muddy, shitty, snowy ground I felt like I was living in a James Herriot story.   The second lamb slipped out with another pull.    The first lamb was already dead, but the second had a pink mouth and a tongue flicking around.  I wiped down the face from goo and membranes (I had thought to bring towels) and it gave a little cough.  I gave it a vigorous swing, and a rubbing to simulate the mom's licking.  She was still lying there on her side, feet stuck out and trembling, not looking around for her babies as she should normally have been.  

I took the live lamb in the house and began to warm and dry and rub it. This is what hairdryers are for, right?
I called my mom at that point to see if there was anything else I should be doing.   She thought the ewe might get up if I left some food and water close by her.   Honey water is good energy.

So I took the ewe some hay and water, and propped her up on her chest.  The honey must have been taking effect as she immediately started to nibble hay.  The look in her eyes had changed to one that might take an interest in living after all.  

Back up to the house, I prepared some colostrum (doesn't everyone keep powered colostrum in the freezer?  Ok, just farmers maybe).   The lamb was warm enough to feed, but he couldn't get the hang of sucking.  His tongue was flicking to the side and his head seemed a bit misshapen from his trip through birthing.   I hoped it would sort out, but meanwhile I squeezed drops of milk into his mouth and he swallowed them. 

Another trip out to the ewe with more honey.  I gave it to her, then tried to get her to stand.  I had to lift her up, but then she tottered about 20 feet before collapsing again.   Then I heard the tiniest little "baaa".  I searched around but couldn't find anything.  I almost thought I'd imagined it but then I heard it again.  "Baaaa."  I looked some more, and behind a tree and a partial fence, curled up in the snow and practically invisible was a tiny white lamb.  She was really cold, but had obviously been licked clean.   I took her to the house as well, calling Master with a "Guess what I found." 

I applied the hairdryer and some towels, and a heating disk underneath the box in which I'd put both of them.   

The tiny lamb warmed up eventually, and she ate pretty well, but still was weak.  She was so much tinier than the male.  

One more trip out to see the mama ewe, to see if I could move her to the barn yet under her own power.  

On the way I discovered a brand new baby with a different ewe! They were looking healthy but I needed to get them in the barn.  The easiest way to move a new baby and mom is often to pick up the baby and walk slowly backwards, bent over, holding the lamb near the ground so the ewe will follow.  It's not easy, but it works.  If you just pick it up and walk away normally, she won't see it (lambs don't fly!) and she will just circle around to the last place she left it.  
 In a few minutes I had her and the lamb inside a stall.   

I tried to move the weak ewe, but she wouldn't walk and I could only carry/drag her a dozen feet before I was worn out.  So I waited for Master.  I couldn't get her that far on my own.

I bedded down a stall with straw.  I went inside and made dinner. I was so exhausted every time I sat down I was just staring at the computer, face hanging, unable to read anything.  I knew I needed to eat something.  

Master got home, and together we half carried, half walked the ewe into the barn, because she definitely wasn't in any shape to be outside. 

This morning the lambs are still alive, although the little one is weak.  The ewe hasn't stood up, but she's alive, drinking and eating. 

Monday, January 25, 2016

30 Days Of Kink: Day 5 First Kinky Experience

Day 5: What was your first kinky sexual experience?  If you haven’t had one yet, talk about what you hope to have happen.


I wish I had some great story to tell, but I don't remember the first time.  It might have been getting tied up, it might have been "play rape", as we were doing both of those early in our relationship, but either way, I felt ambivalent about it.  It was exciting at the time, but then kind of worrisome afterward, so it didn't become a regular thing for us at all, more like a very occasional spice.  Sometimes he convinced me to tie him up too, but I didn't like it.  One time that I wrote about in my diary with great enthusiasm was when he refused to take no for an answer one night and um... ravished me.

   Master tended to bring up new things and be more experimental than I was, although the geisha role play I wrote about last time he says was my idea.  

He also reminds me that in college I turned down a chance at a 4-way swap session with his friend and his friend's girlfriend.   So that was my first kinky experience that I didn't have. I'm really glad I said "no", because we later shared a house with that friend and he turned out to be a real jerk.

 

Weigh Ins?

So... I haven't stepped on the scale since the second week of January.   The week after Christmas my weight was fine, unchanged. The week after that somehow I had gained 3 lbs.  I'm going to blame Christmas feasting catching up with me.  (It does that, right? The sneak attack?)

 Master stopped doing the weigh ins for me, even when I reminded him about it he would just frown at me.  So discouraging.  This week I feel like I really overindulged and my pants barely fit. Ugh!  I didn't get on the scale, but instead decided to only have a salad for dinner and work harder on my exercising.  
That was ok until about 7:30 (we ate at 5:30) when I was very hungry and on the edge of getting grouchy.  I had an apple and we watched Downton Abbey.  Surprisingly the apple was enough.  

I'm determined not to continue blowing up like a balloon!   

Sunday, January 24, 2016

A What?

I was coloring my Scottie page using some creative license.  Yes, I have a coloring book, it's for stress or whatever.  Anyway, coloring is fun.

So I told Master that the Scottish eagle was now carrying red, white and blue fletched arrows because he ripped off the American eagle.  (I think he really did, but I guess I can forgive a coloring book not being terribly accurate).  

Master said that was naughty.  Then in a pretty good Scottish accent he told me,

 "Ya better watch oot or I'll lift yer wee kilt and spank ye.  With a haggis." 

I was laughing fit to die after that one. 

Day 4: Any early experiences that, in retrospect, hint at your kinks?

I hope the question doesn't mean early, early because I have nothing like that.

However, there was a time after Master and I were married, when he gave me the book "Memoirs of a Geisha".  The book came out in 1997, so it was around then.  One of us, I can't remember if it was me or him, decided it would be fun to do a little geisha role play, so I dressed up in a silk robe and served him warm sake from a nice sake drinking set.  I knelt on the floor by the bed.

It was very arousing, and should have hinted at some kink-loving. It sure does in retrospect.

Saturday, January 23, 2016

Surprise!

It was looking to be an average night last night, nothing fancy.  We had watched some TV and then I gave him a footrub.

After I had waited on him, Master told me to get in bed.  I handed him my leash so he could snap it to my collar.  He asked if I'd been a good slave that day.  I listed off the things on my list that I'd done and said yes, I had.   He reminded me that I'd also been fucked that morning and gotten him off in a very good-slave sort of way.  :)  Of course I hadn't forgotten that.

I was just about to drift off, vaguely thinking of beatings and hoping for one soon... when Master's hand drifted between my legs.  I moaned, and pressed against his with my hand.  A little more fondling, and he told me to roll over.  He started smacking my butt with his hand, then got on top of me and was punching the stuffing out of my ass.  He grabbed the paddle from the nightstand and used that.  

He turned me back over and asked if I liked to be used.  Mmmhmmm.
Hadn't I always like this, to be used and roughly treated?
Yes, Master.


He thrust into me, fucked me, slapped me, both sides of my face, over and over, made me come.  And again and again, yanking me by the legs down the bed and pulling my legs up over his shoulders...  ahhhh! Yes.  Fucking me from behind until he came inside me again.

Not how I expected the evening to go, but such a nice surprise!

 

Day 3: How Did You Discover You Were Kinky?


For as long as I can remember I have had fantasies, but I didn't think of them as kinky fantasies, and I was ashamed of them, so much that I didn't admit to anyone that I had them.

What was really a turning point from something I didn't talk about to something I actively sought out was the internet. 

I went from reading erotica (googling "bondage") to participating in a forum, the BDSM Library, and realized that people were actually doing the things I fantasized about. 

It wasn't that I didn't know about BDSM, but that I imagined it was like this:   KINK and this.  Neither of those things were at all like my fantasies, which were rather less sexy and more permanent.

My fantasy looked more like this:   Harem slave, or even like  Roots, the tv series. You see how that could be so far beyond the acceptable as to be shame-filled?

And I didn't associate the two things at all in my mind until I began to participate in the forum.  That is when I began to associate my fantasies with what could actually be done in real life.

I brought the idea of bringing a little light kink in the bedroom to Decius_Mus, and the idea of being his submissive.  He said not just yes, but "Oh hell yes!" so that's how it started.  He liked the idea of me being submissive, in fact he'd teased me for years about becoming Baptists or some other traditionally male dominated religion so that I'd have to obey him as my husband.  
It wasn't all easy, but we worked it out. 



Friday, January 22, 2016

Day 2: List Your Kinks. Nobody Expects...

My chief kink is control. Pain and control. Control and pain.

My two kinks are control, pain and subjugation to my Master.


My three kinks are control control, pain, subjugation to my Master and an almost fanatical devotion to obeying him.


My four...no...amongst my kinks are such elements as pain, control and...


I should start again.

Thursday, January 21, 2016

Challenge: 30 Days of Kink. Day one: Define your kinky self

I'm joining in with candygirl https://fetlife.com/users/18819/posts/3516208 to do this!

From Rayne's blog:  http://www.insatiabledesire.com/2010/08/09/thirty-days-of-kink/ here are the prompts.


Day 1: Dom, sub, switch?  What parts of BDSM interest you?  Give us an interesting in-depth definition of what that means to you. Basically define your kinky self for us.

I'm a masochistic submissive, but most of all I'm a slave to Decius_Mus. 

 I'm dedicated to pleasing him in whatever ways I can.

We have an all the time, 24/7 Master/slave relationship.  We did try a part time, bedroom kink only thing at first, but it really didn't work because we were too wrapped up in each others lives already.

A part time or partial submission did not work for me because it left me feeling confused and unsure about what to do.  Do I submit now, or now, or how about now?  I never knew.   It was going to have to be all or nothing, and it became all.  There is no area of my life that is not under the authority of my Master.   For those who think this is all about kink, it's actually not.  Just because he's always the authority in my life doesn't mean we are doing kinky shit every hour of the day.  For one, we have kids, and for two, he goes to work.  Plus, that would just be exhausting.  We sit around in a relaxed and casual state as much as anyone.

However, every request he makes, like "Fix me a lunch, would you?" is still an order.  It's still part of his authority and it would not be allowed for me to say no. 

My specifically kinky self gets off on following orders, being under control, being squashed down, put in my place, hurt, humiliated, being made to feel inferior, being called names like slut, cunt, bitch.   From my Master, not random people, I hope this is clear!  He owns me, and only him.  I enjoy some kinds of pain, but even more than that, I enjoy being forced into things that I may not have wanted.  Such things reinforce my Master's superior place in my life, and therefore I love those times even while hating them.  From him I enjoy unfairness, poor treatment, getting randomly punched or kicked in the ass, just because.  These things make my heart go pitter pat!


So that is my self explanation in kinks!






The rest of the days' questions:



Day 2: List your kinks.

Day 3: How did you discover you were kinky?

Day 4: Any early experiences that, in retrospect, hint at your kinks?

Day 5: What was your first kinky sexual experience?  If you haven’t had one yet, talk about what you hope to have happen.

Day 6: Describe your weirdest/most interesting sexual fantasy.

Day 7: What’s your favorite toy?

Day 8: Post a kinky image you find erotic.

Day 9: Post a kink related song or music video you enjoy.

Day 10: What are your hard limits?

Day 11: What are your views on the ethics of kink?

Day 12: Tell us about a humorous BDSM/kink experience you’ve had.  If you haven’t had one, talk about aspects of kink/BDSM you find funny.

Day 13: Explain as best you can what the appeal of kink/BDSM is to you?  Why are you drawn to what you’re drawn to?

Day 14: How would you say real life BDSM/kink varies from fantasy BDSM/kink?  If you haven’t experienced real life BDSM/kink how do you think it might differ?

Day 15: Post a BDSM/kink activity you’re curious about and would like to try.

Day 16: What are the most difficult aspects of having a sexuality that involves kink or BDSM for you personally?

Day 17: What misconception about kinky people would you most like to clear up?

Day 18: Any kinky/BDSM pet peeves?  If so, what are they?

Day 19: Any unexpected ways kink has improved your life?  If so, what are they?

Day 20:  Talk about something within kink/bdsm that you’re curious about/don’t understand.

Day 21: Favorite BDSM related book (fiction or non-fiction)

Day 22: What do you think is important in keeping a BDSM relationship healthy?  How does it differ from a vanilla relationship?

Day 23: Since you first developed an interest in kink, have your interests/perspectives changed?  How so?

Day 24: What qualities do you look for in a partner?

Day 25: How open are you about your kinks?

Day 26: What’s your opinion on online BDSM play?

Day 27: Do your non-kink interests ever find their way into your kinky activities? If so, how?

Day 28: How do you dress for kink/BDSM play?  What significance does your attire have to you?

Day 29: Do you have a BDSM title (e.g. mistress, master, slut, pig, whore, princess, goddess, ma’am, sir)?  What is your opinion of the use of titles in general?

Day 30: Whatever BDSM/kink related thing you want to write about.

Tuesday, January 19, 2016

Tuesday Caning and Much More Spoiling

My mouth is 80% better from "the incident" Sunday, so it was good enough for sucking cock.

I had waited all morning for Master to be interested.  He'd woken up with a headache, and I was kind of tired and grumpy too.  I was waiting sooooo patiently while he played computer games.  I went in and asked him if he wanted lunch, and he said no, he wanted sex now.   As he ordered, I got on the floor and sucked him.  In less than a second all my worries about whatever I'd been thinking from earlier were gone and I was simply enjoying his taste and feel.  He could tell by my moans that I was having an exciting time.   He used my hair to bob my head up and down.  He pulled my head back, slapped my face and said some humiliating things to me (which I have now forgotten, probably about being such a slut).

Shortly, he told me to strip naked and fetch him the special cutting board.  He paddled me, then I sucked his cock some more.  

He made me lie on the floor, legs spread, and touch myself while he rested his foot hard on my crotch. The harder he stood on me the more pleasurable it was.  My hand was inside my pussy, with two fingers, and his foot pressed down on my hand, pushing it up against the pubic bone.  It was almost painful, but in a good way.

Then, back to sucking.  He had me go upstairs and put my butt plug in, come back and keep sucking.  
He gave me a hard paddling while bent over the kitchen counter, one that made me whimper and shift around, then grabbed me by the back of my neck and propelled me across the house.  He threw me down over the arm of the couch and took me.  I came hard several times as he gave the command to come.

Then back to the kitchen table, and on my knees again to take his slippery cock back in my mouth.  My taste on him was pretty good.  

Very soon he got behind me and fucked me again as I knelt on the floor holding on to the chair.  It was very tight with the butt plug and he came quickly.  I love the sound of his orgasm.

He took me upstairs right away, positioned me on the dresser and flogged me.   That was a warm up.  Then he brought out his belt.  He whipped it out at me, wet towel style, and it stung like crazy at first, but in a short time the stings seemed farther away, a little dulled.  I know I was falling into subspace.  When he held me tight up against his chest and asked if I wanted a shower or a cuddle,
 I said "No" and "No".   I looked up at him with my spacey, wanton, hopeful, desirous smile. 

"A good caning, then," he said.

He turned on the radio and ordered me into bed.  

They were playing some of our favorites from the 80s on the station he dialed.  Good whacking music, most of them.   

It was quite painful, but on some of those firm strokes I couldn't help myself, and writhed in orgasm, without even receiving a command.  The next time I got close he reminded me "Wait. wait. Wait." and I was able to put off the feelings, subdue the orgasm until it was allowed. 

I feel quite spoiled.  

When he was done I took a little nap, but cold, hunger and the discomfort of still having the butt plug in pulled me awake.  

I made lunch for us, but it wasn't until we had a hot shower together that my feet stopped feeling like blocks of ice.  I had wanted to climb right IN the stove to warm up.  It must have been the after effects.  

First I washed him, and he pissed on me, marking me as his, as always.  Then he stepped out and I washed myself, cranking up the hot water to scalding level.  It stung on my sore behind, but that was just kind of a bonus reminder.  




TMI Tuesday: Analyze Your Sex Life

From TMI Tuesday.

1. What are your sexual strengths and weaknesses?

I'm easy, enthusiastic, orgasm a lot and I'm obedient.  I'm good at sucking.  I really get off on pain.  Weakness: I don't take the lead and dirty talk is hard for me and generally has to be prompted. 

2. As a couple, what are your sexual strengths and weaknesses?

I have no idea what this means.   We like having sex together. We like to try new things.  We happily take opposite roles.  Weaknesses? I don't know, I'm not really coming up with anything.  Sex is good here.

3. How do you make intimacy a priority in a relationship?

I think about my Master most of the time.  I rarely have to do anything to make intimacy a priority for myself, it just is.   If anything, sometimes I worry that I hang on him too much, or want it too much so that he will get annoyed with me.  When I'm trying not to be too needy or clingy I often go to the opposite extreme of what I feel and act distant.  So, I suppose I make intimacy a priority by attempting NOT to do that, by trying to find the middle ground. 

4. How has your sex life changed in the last five years?

It is totally different. Five years ago was about 6 months before we started any power exchange or bdsm at all.  We had a vanilla-married dynamic back then of him always wanting sex and me wanting it a lot less than him and often saying no.  

Handjob? No. Blowjob? No. Butt sex? No fucking way.  

He was frustrated.  I was conflicted. We were quite mismatched in desire and had been for a long time, for basically always.  It was very much a chaser/chased dynamic.  Sometimes I wonder why he put up with me.  Maybe he thought I was a typical woman, this is just how it is, or maybe it was just that he loved me for other reasons.  Sometimes in my secret heart, I wish he would have just forced domination on me.  But in reality, I don't think that would have worked out so well.  I had to come to it willingly.  Or maybe it would have been really hot, who knows?

So how often were we having sex then, five years ago?  Probably at most twice a week, and during ebbs, only a couple times a month.  Almost all quickies (compared to today, anyway), though he generally made sure I had an orgasm.  I could only do that in one particular position after great effort.  Sometimes all that effort wasn't really worth it to me and I'd tell him it wasn't going to happen. I never faked them though.  

How much are we having sex now?  As much as he wants.  If he wants three times a day, that's what happens. If he wants to skip a few days, then we do.   I'm almost always wanting more now.  It is a complete reversal in our level of desire, for which he sometimes laughs at me.

One of the big changes from five years ago, of course, was going from total monogamy to non-monogamy.   Having other lovers and sex partners is quite different, and I think it enhances us in lot of ways.  It has certainly expanded our world. 

5. Has blogging helped your sex life? How?

Yes.  I enjoy writing about our sex and scenes, and it often makes me desire more of the same all over again.  It does the same for my Master at times.  It's stimulating.   Sometimes it helps me with communication, and getting any issues I had out there, in explaining myself better. 

Bonus:  Has loneliness or emotional hunger ever caused you to “fall in love”?

No, that doesn't happen to me. 

Sunday, January 17, 2016

Over His Knee: KOTW

The kink of the week is over the knee spanking, often seen abbreviated OTK. 

This.  This.  

Is one of my favorite things.  It isn't a role play or age play thing for us at all, it is simply one position out of many that he uses to spank me.  He doesn't use his hand much, but generally switches to a paddle or short cane pretty quickly.  I guess I have a hard butt.

I really love it because of the closeness and physical contact.  There are possibilities to have his hand gripping my collar or my hair when I'm in his lap.  I love that.  It is rarely used for discipline at all, which may be because I enjoy it too much, or maybe happenstance that most of the discipline has been given in other positions (generally with me lying face down on the bed, actually).

One position that he uses a lot is a standing OTK where he crooks one leg and bends me partway over it.  I end up clinging on to his non spanking arm while he works me over.  It is such a helpless, vulnerable and HOT feeling to have, braced up against him like that. 

Click for more Kink of the Week! 

Accidents Happen

Sometimes you end up with a mouth full of blood. 

We were thrashing about, me in violent orgasm and him trying to do something with my face with his thumb in my mouth.  I thrashed again and got a bleeding gash in the roof of my mouth from his nail.  I must have made some more unusual faces and whimpers, different from my normal ones.

 "Am I bleeding?" I asked, because I could taste it.

 He looked at it and said "Yes, you are bleeding a lot." I wasn't feeling any pain at that point and this made me laugh.  I had already been whipped with his belt and punched quite a lot.  We finished sexin' it up and then had a nap.

Now, though, I'm feeling it with my tongue and it is kind of uncomfortable, what with this flap of skin and still tasting blood. 

So worth it.

Saturday, January 16, 2016

Hair straightening

Last night we were snuggling in bed and he grabbed a handful of my cunt hairs and tugged them hard.  I think they went from curly to straight because they seemed a lot longer after that.  

If I'm able to braid them I'll take a picture. 

This afternoon we are headed to a rope demo/munch in a nearby town.  It should be fun. 

Friday, January 15, 2016

The Kissing Game

For the kink of the week, I'm going to go back in time to my college years.  I joined the SCA (Society for Creative Anachronism) my freshman year, and soon learned about all sorts of non-historical but interesting customs.

One of those, peculiar to the SCA, is the cloved fruit.  It is a game played at large events where someone takes a fruit, often an orange, and studs it with whole cloves.   They give the fruit to someone, and that person can either refuse, or they can take a clove out of the fruit and then kiss, or allow themselves to be kissed by the giver.   

This was my first introduction to flirting, and the ways and small negotiations of flirting with someone with whom you probably never intend to have a relationship.   Now, a lot of those people were actually sleeping together, having mix and match and switcheroo relationships that would even impress the kink community, with less jealousy than you might expect. It was an attitude far more like free love than the middle ages, at least in our town.  I wasn't aware of all that at first, though, just the kissing.  

It was not always male-female-male with the cloved fruit giving, if that is what you are thinking.  Oh no.  There was some female-female and also occasionally male-male.  One of those events was probably the first time I saw two men deep kiss. 

As to the ways of giving a cloved fruit, the most seductive and also most common way to remove the clove was with ones teeth.  This enabled you to chew the clove, which freshens breath and gives your whole mouth a numb and tingly feel.  If you are not feeling so flirty, then you could just take one out with your fingers. 
Then there was the decision about where to accept your kiss.  

The most proper (non seductive) way to receive a kiss was to offer your hand.  This was always acceptable, and the gentleman or lady was supposed to hold it and chastely kiss the back of the hand offered to them.  Another fairly proper way was to offer a cheek. 

If you wanted a little more risque, you could offer the back of the hand, but allow kissing all the way up the arm.  A very intimate hand kiss was on the palm or inside of the wrist.  That can be very erotic, mm hmm.  


If you are daring, or really into the person giving you the fruit, you can go all out with the deep French kissing, of course.  These were the most fun to watch, and generally resulted in cheers and shouting from the the on lookers.

After the kiss, you must choose someone to offer the fruit to.  Setting it aside or keeping it was not acceptable.  The game kept going all night until all the cloves were removed.  


I played the game quite a bit, and probably kissed or was kissed by hundreds of people.  Very seldom did I choose to deep kiss, though, mostly just with my Master, who was also in the SCA and went to events with me sometimes.  We lived in different cities at that point, so I went alone even more.  



I remember being jealous only a few times, when my Master would deeply kiss someone that I knew he really had a thing for.  I knew about all his crushes, and he knew mine as well. 
 

 

Thursday, January 14, 2016

Twisted Kinky Fuck, C'est Moi

Tuesday, Master's birthday, he had me three times.  It was a great day.  Other than some punching as we fucked, there was no beating.  I did discover some bruises on my chest, but I wasn't sure which day they were from, or if it was a cummulative thing.

Last night, I said I would like it to hurt.  I knelt as usual.  When he came in to the bedroom he commanded me to be naked but remain in position. I quickly disrobed.  He moved me about with his foot- ass up, head down more.  He kicked me in the rear a few times, and the thighs and cunt and every time I tried to raise my head (it is reaction that is hard to control) he'd correct me and press it to the ground again.

He got out the bamboo back scratcher stick and began laying into my thighs and ass with a rain of extra hard blows.  I struggled to maintain my position, sometimes failing and having to right myself.

He made me beg for more pain, ask for it over and over and tell him I wanted it.  I did want it, but it's hard to say, still.

He told me to lie flat on the floor, and he continued with the bamboo and also a cane.

Then Master had me roll over so he could do my thighs, cunt and breasts. 

I was so worked up I was positively writhing.  The hard blows to my chest, just above the nipple, pushed me right up to the edge of orgasm, and when he told me to come it was huge.  Just a squirting, writhing, moaning mess on the floor, that was me.

He gripped the back of my hair and whispered,

"You need the pain, don't you?"

I turned my face away as far as I could, hating to admit out loud what is so obvious anyway.

"You need it", he stated.

"Yes, Master", I admitted finally.

"Do you know what that makes you?"

"No, Master."

"A twisted, kinky fuck," he growled, and then, softer, "Which I really appreciate in a spouse".  He made me smile with this.

Then he ordered me to my hands and knees and he began ploughing into me extra hard.  He kept using the stick as well, on my ass and shoulders, and I was completely swept away by the intensity of the feeling, becoming animal-like, out of mind.   

An excellent night.  He let me sleep in this morning too.  



 

Wednesday, January 13, 2016

A Typical Slavey Day

Today so far I have:

Cooked Master's breakfast: fried potatoes and sausages with cheese and Tabasco.

Prepared lunch for him to take to work.

Got the kids off to school.

Sewed up an ailing favorite stuffed animal.  I'm not sure how many more years this guy has.  He gets sewn up a lot.

Let dogs in and out.

Had coffee and breakfast.

Got dinner cooking in the crock pot.

Began making rolls for dinner in the bread maker.

Made a fire.  

Swept the floors.

Made phone calls.  During the call to the kids' doctor, had to scold one of the dogs for trying to eat a box of fencing staples. 

Walked/jogged/climbed stairs for total of 20 minutes.

Did some work on the computer, made a few bucks.  :)  

Made the fire go again after it tried to fizzle out.

Vacuumed the rug in the living room.

It's noon-ish.  I need some tea.



 

 

 

TMI Tuesday, or Wednesday.

 How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the below TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below there on tmituesdayblog so we’ll all know where to read your responses.  I wasn't quite able to finish this last night, so here we are on Wednesday.

1. Why do you fall in love?

 Well, that is a big question, isn't it?   I think it was his caring and kindness that made me fall in love with Master.  

2. What makes you fall in lust?


 Eyes.  Sometimes eyes just suck me in. Or sometimes it is sexy arms on a man, or a sensual motion from a woman.  I find single tail whip marks unbearably sexy, too.  Or someone who knows how to use a whip. I guess I fall in lust a lot. Slut.


3. If you are in a monogamous sexual relationship and your significant other has sex outside of your relationship, will you forgive them?

This doesn't apply to us now, but if it did apply, then yes.  

4. What do you idolize?


 Would it be too much of a suck-up to put 'my Master'?

5. Where are your erogenous zones?


Tits, butt, cunt. Ok, I am boring that way.  Any place on me can be erogenous if you treat it right, though.  Except my belly.  Just stay away from my belly if you don't want to get smacked. Um, except for Master of course, who gets to torment it as much as he wants. :(

Bonus: What is the strangest or most unique thing you’ve tied someone up with or been tied up with? Why were you tied up?

I have been tied up with 4 other strange, unique, beautiful, sexy women.   We were tied up facing each other in a tight circle so a bunch of other people could beat us, of course. AKA a game called "Ball of girl."  

————-

Tuesday, January 12, 2016

Being Nice

After our sex 'n' things session this afternoon I announced to Master indignantly "I KNEW you were lying when you said that stuff about being nice today!" 


He looked offended and replied, "I never said who I was going to be nice to.  I was perfectly nice to myself."

Humph.
 
The really mean part was not the punches, nor the multiple orgasms so strong that my foot cramped up, nor the doggie style pounding he gave me, but that he treated himself to a birthday spree of blowing on my tummy for an extended time.  It was torture. But I sang him Happy Birthday while he did it because I'm such a good slave.  :P  

Monday, January 11, 2016

Morning Sex

The other day my Master had basically (in my mind) given me permission to have sex with him at some unspecified time in the future.  

I am a morning person, so I wake up pretty much every day at peak horniness.  Do you know how long it has been since we had early (before 10 am) morning sex?  I don't either.  Maybe 6 months or a year, in my estimation, or maybe more.   

Before his alarm went off (it is set for 5:55 am) I was lying there in bed awake, feeling needy for him, and wondering "Should I or shouldn't I?"  He said he wanted this, he gave me permission, but do I actually dare?

The alarm rang.  He turned it off.  I'm not allowed to wake him up, but now he was awake.  Do I dare to just go ahead and sex him up? Will I get shot down?  I have been a lot, which is why I stopped trying.  I don't know. Dither, dither.  I guess I do dare.  I pulled out my tampon ( I've been on my period since early December and how much does that suck?)  and climbed on top of him. 

I held his cock against my opening and rubbed.  I got out the lube and gave myself some extra wetness, then slid him inside me.   It felt good.  Not as good as when he does all that mean stuff to me first, but still, good. 

He told me when I could come- I'm not sure I ever would without that command.  He unsnapped the leash that was on my collar so he could position me better.  I rolled off of him for a second I was afraid he was going to get up and leave but he didn't, he just came over on top of me and fucked me hard.  I came once more as he was pounding up against my g-spot, my legs thrown up over his shoulders.  He never did orgasm, but after a bit he had to get up and get ready for work.  


I did something weird with the microwave timer so I accidentally cooked his oatmeal for 10 minutes before I started wondering why it wasn't dinging yet.  Ooops.  That oatmeal had to be thrown out and I started over.  

Later on, when he was getting dressed I was afraid to ask what he thought about our morning sex, but I pushed myself to ask anyway.  He was happy with me.  (Whew!)

Sunday, January 10, 2016

My cunt is for his pleasure

After a delightfully peaceful Sunday morning of making pancakes, serving Master's tea, building and stoking a fire, putting some chicken stock on to simmer atop the wood stove, sweeping and a few other chores, Master nodded his head to me and motioned with his chin in an upstairs direction.

I went up and put my leather collar on.  There are actually two reasons for this:  1. He likes to me to have it on for play and sex because it is good for grabbing and 2. my day wear collar is loose and flops up into my face if I'm sucking cock upside down.  This distracts me from my main purpose.

Master was right behind me.  He spanked me a little then laid me down on the bed for caning.  After a short session, he had me put the butt plug in and then danced me around the room in a vigorous polka. Yes, an actual polka.  The radio station that was tuned in was playing Sunday morning polka time.  It was really amusing, especially the way the plug felt in my ass as I bounced up and down.  We kissed, and laughed, and danced.  Then he gave me the signal to come.

He pushed me back to the bed, tied my hands to the headboard with the leather strap and used the wooden paddle on my cunt, then after this happy warm up, began fucking me.  It felt so amazingly good.  I had been so desperate for him, and for fucking, and for beating.

It doesn't take long for me to get desperate, does it?

He told me to get the vibrator and be on top of him.  I begged to come but he said first I had to do something for him that I didn't want to.  I did it, but then I didn't want to come any more.

I had a hard time but I came around to several hard orgasms.  He made me repeat over and over and over that my cunt is for his pleasure. And again, "My cunt is for his pleasure."

 I may not love everything I have to do, but I will do it because I am his slave.   

Thank you, Master, for owning me.  There is nothing better than that.

Eventually, after some fucking me from behind, he was on top of me again facing me, and there was much slapping, and with each slap to my face, each getting harder and harder, my orgasm built and grew stronger and stronger.  It was incredibly delicious.  

A short time later, we got up and I made some lunch, which tasted way better than ordinary food.   It was fried leftover chicken and onions, some spices, blue corn chips, melted cheese and salsa. 




 

Come on My Face

Master thought I needed a break from sex.  I didn't agree, I felt fine and horny as could be, but I didn't protest because after all - slave.
Protesting can only get me in trouble. 

When we took a shower together I was put on my knees sucking him off, and he came on my face.  I was just one big throbbing piece of wanting it for several hours afterward, until a bunch of friends came over and I got too busy to think about sex anymore.  

Now I'm thinking about it again, though.

Friday, January 8, 2016

Going to the Clinic

I'm going into the new clinic again (not my regular doctor) this morning for a new IUD.   I was there on Monday, and the doctor had a zillion questions for me, including "Does your partner ever hit, kick, slap, or choke you?"  
I made her laugh when I smiled wickedly and said "Only for fun, but all of those." 

I also asked for all the STD tests they could do there, just to be on the safe side.  

 

Wednesday, January 6, 2016

Punching

Master hit me square in the eye when I was right in the middle of an orgasm tonight.  I didn't see it coming and thought he was being a bastard.  It only made me come harder.   It turned out it was totally accidental and he was just trying to move his arm around to the back of me and I leaned forward just at the wrong second.  I don't think I have a black eye but it hurts.  

The ouchie places from him punching and biting my chest were completely intentional. 

Tuesday, January 5, 2016

Tuesday At Home

This morning after the kids left I asked Master his plans for the day.  

"Sitting around on the computer drinking tea for a while after breakfast, fucking and beating you, then errands." 

That was pretty much the way of it too, except after the beating/fucking I took a very long nap.   
Then we showered and did errands.

The sex bits: 

He started out with me on my knees sucking his cock, then he whacked me with the paddle/cutting board.  He had me lie on the floor and masturbate while he kicked me in the butt.  That was fun.  Then after a little more sucking he sent me away and told me he would call me when he wanted me back.

After half an hour or more I heard "Slavegirl! Get in here."

I trotted across the house all grins.

"You know what to do."

I knelt at his feet.   He watched porn. I sucked.  

After a long time he said we were going upstairs.

He gave me a really nice stingy flogging, and worked out how to do a new technique.  I was kneeling with my face on the floor at the time and couldn't see it.  He had me lie on my back and he flogged my front as well- I cover my eyes.  He nudged my knees apart with his foot.  He told me I was allowed to struggle while he was taking me, so I did.  We had some violent, slapping, biting, struggling rapey type sex on the floor.

He had just put me over his knee to spank me for biting him while holding his arms and sitting on him (hee hee!) when he gave a sudden startle shriek and jerk.  I also jumped and asked what was wrong.  There was Pepper, the dog.  She had snuck into the room without anyone seeing her and stuck her cold nose in Master's ear before he even realized she was there.    

I led her out of the room, making sure to close the door, and we picked up again right where we left off, or something close to that.

Eventually we were on the bed and I was bouncing up and down on top for all I was worth.  The real Amazon crazy fucking that he'd ordered me to perform.  I came rather massively, squirting all over, at least a few times, or half a dozen, who knows.   Then he rolled me over and fucked me until he came inside me with much great shouting.  

We cuddled up together and he reminded me that I wasn't to get any ideas about doing that stuff whenever I wanted (the biting wild Amazon stuff), but only when he told me to.  With this cozy reassurance I pretty much passed out on his chest.  When I woke up there was an impression of my collar on his chest; it looked a bit like a butterfly.  He got up to do stuff and I went back to sleep. 
 

 

Paddle-gasm

The paddle is one of the most painful implements to me.  Something about the broad surface and the combination of stingy/thuddy feelings sends me to the ouching place quicker than almost anything.

Last night Master had me suck his cock for a long time, then told me to strip and go get the cutting board.  It's actually a cutting board that we keep in the kitchen but is only used for spanking, and it is just like a big, long paddle, with a handle and everything.

I did as he said, then followed orders to bend over.  He spanked me until my toes curled.  When he told me to come he was holding on to me to keep me from falling over.  I went a little nuts and tried to climb up on him, even tried to bite him which he fended off.  The orgasm was that huge! 

Monday, January 4, 2016

New Day, New Emotions

Well, I have let go of the anger.  Some of it was helped by exercising a bunch yesterday.  I took the dogs for a couple of walks, and Master went on a short one with me even though he has a sore foot.  We talked some, but mostly I needed a lot of reassurance about things that I know in my logical mind, but am not feeling with my emotional self.  :(

Then the support of my friends here really helped too.  I mean really helped a lot!   

Now I have moved on to more of an insecure, clingy feeling.  I don't know where it comes from, and I don't like it.  

I'm going to a different clinic this afternoon, so I hope that helps me figure things out.  I hope I don't break down and cry and look foolish, but that is a real possibility. 

Sunday, January 3, 2016

Anger. Letting Go of it?

How do you get rid of anger, or let go of it? It isn't as simple as saying "I shouldn't be angry, so now I'm not."

Is there some sort of process?

BTW, this is about my doctors, who I feel have yanked me around and messed me up and charged us lots of money for the privilege of being made worse than when I came in. I just wanted a birth control that didn't have unpleasant side effects. All of them have unpleasant side effects, though, and I have just traded bad for worse and don't know what to do next. I don't even want to go back to complain because I don't believe what they tell me anymore. I'm angry at them and myself for believing anything they said and even a little bit at my Master. I'm just angry all over. "A little irregular spotting" does not mean, in my mind "bleed continuously for the next three months."

Friday, January 1, 2016

A New Year

Well, we all survived another year, how about that?!

Our first fuck of the new year, which should always be mentioned, was this afternoon when we headed upstairs for a little siesta.  
Only not a sleeping siesta.

Master put on his hat and ripped off my robe.  He pressed up against me and told me he was going to fuck me hard.  He kissed me.  He put the hat on my head and told me to get into bed, sending me off with a smack that made me stumble.  I lay down, spread to invite and receive.  He took the willow cane from beside the bed and, sitting up between my legs, beat a little rhythm on my breasts.  Then he came up to my face and pulled my head onto his cock.  I sucked while he spanked me. 

He stopped and told me to go get my buttplug in.  It was COLD.  I tried to warm it quickly, not wanting to get in trouble for taking too long, and then shoved it on in.  Still cold, yup.

He was lying back on the bed with his hand in the leather strap when I returned.  He told me to get down there and start sucking.  Then he ordered me to fuck him.  I couldn't get him in.  I was dry, and the plug made it all too tight.  Even with lube it was tight and sore, which felt good.  He took off the leather strap and began to strike my tits with a little flogger.  It was not terribly painful, just a little stingy on my nipples.  He made me ask for the nipple clamps, and then I reached over to the bedside drawer for them, but he didn't use them right away.

Instead he let me use the vibrator and have a huge orgasm.  Also, a few smaller ones to go with it.

Then he turned me onto my back and put my wrists in the straps.  He added the nipple clamps, which are the old ones, not nearly as mean as the clover clamps.  The clover clamps must still be in the traveling toy bag, because they weren't in the drawer where they usually live.  Fucking and pulling the chain gently, the buttplug working my ass, it was all so good.  We came together at the end. 

After a little rest and possibly a snooze, he began flicking my nipples, starting by barely brushing them and going harder until I was yelping and jumping away.

Now it is night.  Nipples are still sore, ass sore from the plug, cunt well used feeling but not overly sore, these are all happy feelings for a new year.

Happy Day After Thanksgiving

Now I feel like baking a pie or three.  I might wait until next week though.